Somewhere at the intersection of "oh dear Jesus what am I going to do with my life" and "hey, this looks like an easy A" is a very special breed of human: Psychology majors. The proud, the many, the existentially confused. I'm sure some of my fellow psych majors picked their field of study because they were actually intending to use it to better mankind. Like, props to all you future researchers and psychiatrists and humans who are actually using this degree. I don't know what your life is like, but I admire you anyway. As for the rest of us...well, we're pretty easy to spot, and we pretty much were a campus punching bag for the entire duration of college.
I get why we're such easy targets. I get it because I'm a former psychology major, which means I can read all y'all's minds. Just kidding (mostly). But for real, I think it's because we are, for the most part, the most populated major of college universities. If you're gonna take a cheap shot it feels a lot less personal when you're aiming it at a bunch of aimless undergrads talking about toddlers and butt fixations while everyone is like, doing math or whatever.
Or maybe people make fun of us because it's the only release they can get from their soul-sucking, un-fun fields of study while we live it up psych kid style. In any case, any current or former psychology major can attest to the fact that we are pretty tired of hearing people say these particular things:
"Psychology is so easy."
Sorry, did you confuse psychology with YOUR MOM?! (BRB, looking for my dignity. Ah, there it is. OK, continuing.) I could rattle off the insane amount of information we have to cram into our heads, go in depth about the cult that set up APA guidelines, and shove a giant statistics book under your nose, or I could just not. Because you're not listening. You never do, other majors. You never do. Just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.
"What even are your plans for after school?"
About the same as everyone else's: I had no idea. I mean, look at me. I write for the internet now. Did a psych professor teach me how to do that? Hell no. But I use the things that I learned in those psychology classes almost every hour of every day of my life, so regardless of what plans you are making or have yet to make as a psych major, your degree is going to be a part of it.
I'd argue, though, that there is really no such thing as a "plan" no matter what your major is. Most of us end up doing things entirely unrelated to what we studied. You are not the master of your own destiny. You can backseat drive for it, and that's about it.
"What do your parents think?"
Honestly, they're just relieved I didn't get a tattoo that says "PSYCH MAJOR 4 LYFE" across my boobs. Also, any parent worth their parental salt will be proud of their kid for going to college regardless of what major they choose. And if they aren't...yeesh, why be a jerk and bring up the bad blood? What someone else's parents think is none of your beeswax.
"Ugh, I wish I didn't have to study."
Hold the phone. No, seriously, hold it, because we don't have enough time to answer with these hundreds of pages of material to cover every week. I don't know how people are perpetuating this myth that psychology majors don't have a huge workload. We're running massive experiments, writing brick-sized papers on them, and reading textbooks that size of small toddlers.
"Psychologists aren’t real doctors."
When people say this it's almost as if they envision psychologists busting into random ERs unannounced, scalpel in hand, singing "IIIIII'm ready" Spongebob Squarepants-style. NOPE, no interest, mad respect for you guys, but no thanks.
Real talk, though. The word "doctor" encapsulates so many different types of professions and specialties—one type of doctor doesn't make the other type less doctory. Psychiatrists and psychologists still had to go through a ton of training to earn that title, and it's disrespectful to the hard work they did and the incredibly beneficial things they're doing with their education to say things like this.
"Diagnose me!"
UHHH, no. First off, we are unqualified. The knowledge we have at the collegiate level of psychology is like someone handing you a toy hammer and being like, "Well, enjoy being put into this tank full of hungry sharks." And second off, even if there was a diagnosis we could give you, and it was entirely right...you probably wouldn't want to hear it. (Also, sorry not sorry for the gratuitous Joker gifs.)
"You know you can't do anything with this major unless you go to grad school."
I've been out of college now for two and a half years, and in that time I've had three different jobs that had nothing to do with each other—except for the fact that I used my psychology nerdery in them all the time. Good on the people who decide to go to grad school and pursue psychology in its purest form. You will surely succeed in life, too. But there are a million other directions you can take this major and be every bit as happy and successful, without angst of grad school apps, four years of studying, and a butt ton of loans.
"...Why do you know so much about drugs?"
*rips off human skin mask*
Because I am Walter White. Next question.
For real, though, we know a ton about drugs because it's our job to know stuff about drugs. I've answered more multiple choice questions about drugs than I will probably ever see people actually high on those drugs in my entire life. And to be honest, guys, drugs are boring as dirt.
"Hah, I've got this really great Freud joke, listen."
UGH, guys, if we hear one more joke about Freud...HAHA, just kidding, I'm already going to hell. Bring it on.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(7)
