Although it has yet to be confirmed, I think it's safe to assume that my body runs solely on Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes, Gordita Crunches, and spicy Sriracha Quesaritos — needless to say, I'm one of Taco Bell's biggest and most loyal fans. So when a small birdie told me a Taco Bell in Wicker Park, Chicago might serve alcohol, I was forced to drop everything I was doing so that I could give the fast food Crunchwrap Supreme gods the praise they deserve for turning my wildest dreams into reality (maybe). Finally, it seemed, I might have the chance to skip all the late night drama that often happens in between getting my booze fix and later going crazy on Taco Bell's value menu... by just doing both at the same time. You know what they say: Work smarter, not harder.
To be fair, there's not a whole lot that we know for sure about this new wunderkind T-Bell. Management for a Taco Bell expected to set up shop at 1439 N. Milwuakee Avenue in the Chicago neighborhood has apparently applied for a liquor license — though there's no word yet on when this magical location might open its doors, or what kind of alcohol will be sold. But we can dream! And as long as we're dreaming, we might as well dream big. Booze and burritos may be one of my favorite combinations of all time, but as long as Taco Bell is experimenting with different ways to class up its restaurants (with alcohol, natch), I have a few ideas of my own on how the chain might improve upon perfection. Take notes, Taco Bell. I'm doing you a favor.
1. Taco Bell bottomless brunch
Kind of a no-brainer, am I right? As long as Taco Bell is toying around with the idea of getting a liquor license, it might as well give the people what they want in terms of what kind of liquor it sells — and the people want mimosas. Round after round after round of mimosas.
2. Actually, just sell Taco Bell breakfast all day
Granted, the Taco Bell biscuit taco is not my favorite thing on the menu, but it's good to have options, and I have so much more respect for restaurants that make breakfast an all-day affair. That's the beauty of America, right there.
3. Taco Bell delivery
Apparently, this is a project that's already in the works — which is great, because how many times have you found yourself awake and starving at 4 in the morning, paralyzed by a craving that can only be satiated with a warm, cheesy triple steak burrito delivered right to your door? For me, the answer is always.
4. Invent a Taco Bell macaroni and cheese taco
Honestly, why hasn't someone invented this yet already? And if they have and I just don't know about it, how come Taco Bell hasn't jumped at a chance to franchise it? It may seem impossible to top the Doritos loco taco, that beautiful, chip-encased vessel of bliss, but I feel like a mac and cheese taco could definitely give it a delicious run for its money.
5. Introduce a cute puppy mascot
What can I say? I'm just a sucker for any adorable animal trying to lure me into a food establishment (except for the Chuck E. Cheese mouse — he scared the bejeesus out of me). Just throwing ideas out here, but what if there was a Taco Bell kitty? Or a Taco Bell hedgehog? Or a Taco Bell mini pig?!?!
6. Invest in an espresso machine
I'm not saying Taco Bell has to come up with a taco-flavored latte, or anything (even my schemes have their limits), but if Starbucks has taught us anything, it's that people love novelty espresso drinks. And you're going to need energy to keep you going through all those late-night nom fests... only maybe don't drink and caffeinate at the same time. I worry your heart might explode.
7. Taco Bell karaoke
You love karaoke, you love cheap fast food Mexican-ish eats. Add a little booze to that mix (check!), and you've got what's possibly the best girls night out of all time. Actually, I think I'd like to do this for my 27th birthday party, please. Taco Bell, you have until the end of September to make Taco Bell karaoke a thing.
8. Offer bottle service
Sometimes it's not about what you eat or drink, it's about the experience. I mean, that's why Hard Rock Cafe is still a thing, right? So imagine rolling up to your neighborhood Taco Bell with, say, 10 of your best girlfriends, and you're escorted over to a roped off VIP area, and there's a bottle of champagne sitting there on the table, chilled, with your name on it, and a whole party pack of 12 tacos waiting to be consumed with reckless abandon. (I actually just had this dream last night.)
9. Host weddings
It's wedding season, after all, and I'm sure there are several devoted Taco Belles out there in this world who would like nothing more than to celebrate the coming together of two souls in a place that understands love and happiness better than anywhere else. Am I getting gushy? Sorry — weddings make me emotional... and so do super cheap tacos, for that matter.
Image: Steven Depolo (3), James, Mike Licht/Flickr; Giphy (2)
