So the first Supergirl trailer went up last night, and not a moment too soon, because the human race needs her. Forget petty crime, forget global warming, forget all the other inevitable ways mankind is going to tear itself apart—none of it is going to matter if this bird laughing like an evil villain gets to us first. A guy who is probably now being held prisoner by this bird's henchmen took some terrifying video of his parrot, who basically has the laugh of a creature hell bent on destroying our planet and everything we hold dear.
Look, guys, this is less of an article and more of a PSA: Get out while you can. I heard there are some roomy craters on Mars? And the commute to and from Earth is only like six months. So ideally we can all just pack a punch of Doritos, some really cool interstellar road trip jams, and get the heck out of here before this bird assembles an airborne army to decimate our entire species. You think I'm overreacting? FINE. More leg room for me in the space pod. But in case you don't believe me, just look at this bird. Listen to his war cry. He is not going down without a fight.
But this doesn't mean we should all just roll over and let Evil McBird Death take over the world. I firmly believe that if we strike now, we may be able to save ourselves. Here are a few people that I am nominating to lead our army against him:
Big Bird
He's big, and he's a bird. So yeah. He'd be a formidable army leader.
All of the Angry Birds
Let's give them somewhere productive to channel all that rage for once.
Tweety Bird
It's time to bring out the big guns, y'all.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(3)
