It's totally normal to experience a wide variety of feelings after a breakup. After a horrible split (when is a breakup actually not horrible, even if it's amicable?), I have been known to cry buckets for a few days. I unceasingly think about what went wrong and analyze why the relationship was good, and/or not good to begin with. After several days, a week to two weeks, depending upon my feelings about the relationship, I start to gain my strength back and the sadness turns to anger. The thoughts about texting them stop and I become angry over the way I was treated. Then, inevitably a few days after that, I hear from them. BUT ANYWAY.
One of the things that I love most about going through a breakup (and yes, there are definitely things to love about it) is that you get to work on yourself, do things to improve your life, and just take some much-needed YOU time. You don't have to worry about someone else, where they are, what they're doing, etc. As you're on the road to getting back to yourself, you're going to go through emotions and lingering thoughts about what went wrong. Here are some things not to feel after a breakup:
1. You Should Not Regret Everything
Although you may hate this person right now and feel like you completely wasted your time with them, let me say this to you: you did not. Every experience we have, no matter how negative, shapes us as human being. It sounds incredibly cliche but it's very true. And as every love-regretting Tumblr, Pintrest, and Instagram quote-photo conveys: there was a point in time when this person made you smile. And for that, you did what you want.
2. You Should Not Blame Yourself
You are not to blame for your relationship's demise. Things sometimes (well, a majority of the time) just do not work out. It may have been the two of you together, current circumstance, whatever. At the end of he day, it doesn't matter. If this person was right for you, it would have worked out, so to speak. Don't waste your time and energy blaming yourself.
3. You Should Not Feel Badly About How It Happened
Things, aka the actual breakup, happened the way they happened. And if you really think about it, in the moment of the breakup, and the way it played out is exactly how it was supposed to go and in the moment of it, it felt right. Think about it. I don't truly believe there is a good breakup. There will always be elements of sadness to it.
4. Don't Feel The Need To Rush Your Recovery
I hate when people tell me to get over it already. No. I will take as much time as I need to get over this. Don't feel the need to have to go out and have tons of rebound sex. It works for some people, sure, and according to researchers at the University of Missouri, they found that within the first four weeks after a breakup, about a third of study participants said they had sex with a new partner. But many of their participants reported that they did this as a way to get back at their exes. So don't feel like this is something you have to do, it could end up making you feel worse.
5. Do Not Feel The Need To Reach Out To Them
Every single one of us does this. We also stalk them on Instagram, Facebook, etc, etc. If you really want to reach out to them, wait until some of the wounds heal. Seeing them or speaking to them not too shortly afterwards is not going to help the healing process. There are only two things that will help you to get over a break-up: distance and time. You check any math equation on this one.
Image: Volkan Olmez/Unsplash; Giphy
