Poet John Lyly once said, "all is fair in love and war." I'm not so sure Mr. Lyly was referring to romantic relationships when he wrote this. Now, the art of fighting in a relationship isn't easily achieved. And actually, it takes some practice to learn how to fight better with your significant other. There is a way to argue in a healthy way, where you feel closer to your partner after you both have resolved the issue. And then there is a way to fight where you scream at one another, call your friends over to have wine and vent and contemplate breaking up with your mate. I'm guessing you want to work on achieving the first one.
Fighting in a relationship is normal. It can mean you are truly communicating. There will be arguments from time to time because you are trying to fit two lives into one. Miscommunications will happen, your feelings will get hurt and you will make mistakes along the way. But, the most important part is that you work through things together. So, in order to fight "better," you'll need the right tools in your fighting toolbox.
Here are some helpful tools to use when you and your love are not getting along.
Think Before You Speak
When we are fighting, our thoughts and feelings are going a million miles a second, and so are our mouths. We tend to say things without thinking. And worse, without truly meaning what we say. The trouble with that is, once we say something hurtful, we can't take it back. A "sorry" can only go so far. Therefore, taking a moment to really think before you speak during an argument will save you from unnecessary "sorries" in the future.
Chill Out Time
You know when you were in High School and someone told you to "take a chill pill," well, he or she totally had great relationship advice and didn't even know it. Usually during an argument, we tend to get heated. Cooling yourself off for a minute or even an hour or more can work wonders. Tell your partner you want to resolve the issue but you need some time to think and "cool off." After you have chilled out, you will be able to see things much clearer.
Lose The Defense
Listen, arguing isn't like a football game - you don't need to be on the defense. Once you put up your defenses, so will your partner. And now all you've got is two walls that won't budge. Instead of defending yourself, just listen to what your partner has to say and try to let go of having to be right. It's important to explain yourself and speak your truth but know when too much defense has ruined your game.
Couples Therapy
When you and your partner can't seem to resolve any issues on your own and the fighting has only gotten worse, it might be time to seek some outside help. There's nothing wrong with a little couples therapy. Sometimes all you need is a professional to help you two in the right fighting direction. If you seem to have the same arguments over and over and nothing is working, don't be afraid to get a little unbiased help.
Try To Understand Your Partner
One of the best ways to fight better is to try and understand where your partner is coming from. If you're coming from a place of love and understanding, you will see a much better outcome than if you were just defending, defending, defending.
Time It Right
The worst kind of fight is one that happens during the wrong time. For instance, it's probably not the best idea to bring up how you are upset with your partner at a big party. You need to time your fights right. If you want to bring something up, make sure you both have enough time to talk things through. Be sure not to say something as your walking out the door. If you have time on your side, you might have a more successful time arguing.
Stay In The Present
When you're fighting, you'll want to pull from your inner Buddha and stay in the present moment. If you bring up past arguments during a fight, you are only going to make things worse. Saying things like, "This is just like what you did a week ago" or "This reminds me of that one time..." will only add fuel to the fighting fire. Stick to the current discussion and you two should be a-okay.
Image: Flickr; GIFs/Giphy
