Life

Words That Will Make You Giggle Like A Child

by Lara Rutherford-Morrison

May 5, 2015

Did you know that using caulk is a great, inexpensive way to save on energy? Caulk is a flexible sealant you can use to fill in small holes and gaps around your home. Apparently using caulk can save you 5 to 10 percent in energy costs. Caulk is cheap and comes in a tube … and I can’t. I CAN’T. None of this matters because I can’t even write the sentence, “A little caulk will make everyone’s home a happier place!” without bursting into giggles because PENISES. Because “caulk” sounds like “cock”, guys, which is a euphemism for “penis”, which is HILARIOUS. Because, clearly, I am very, very immature. I take comfort in the fact that I am surely not the only one who derives a special kind of joy from innocent-but-naughty-sounding words. Fortunately for all of us who have juvenile senses of humor, “caulk” is only one of many words in our beautiful language that sound dirty, but are actually completely tame.

Please enjoy this list of words that sound silly, wicked, and, at times, downright obscene. I challenge all of you, dear readers, to use at least one of these words in a sentence today; try to keep a straight face as your friends wonder if you really did just use the word “bumfiddler” in all seriousness.

1. "Angina"

Chest pain caused by insufficient blood flow to the heart.

2. "Assart"

A piece of forested land cultivated for growing crops.

3. "Baster"

A cooking utensil used to pour drippings, butter, and other fluids on meat as it’s cooking. And if you’re really good at basting, then obviously you’re a master-baster! Heh. (I’m sorry; I am physically incapable not making that joke every time I hear the word “baste.”)

4. "Bum-fiddle"

According to Oxford Reference, “bum fiddling” is not, in fact, a reference to pornographic films. It simply means “to harm; to attack.”

5. "Clatterfart"

A “chatterer or a babbler.”

6. "Coccyx"

The tailbone.

7. "Cockapert"

A “cockapert” is not, in fact, a penis expert. It’s simply an old-school way of saying “impudent” or “impertinent.”

8. "Cummingtonite"

Yes, this is actually a real word. “Cummingtonite” is a mineral named after Cummington, Massachusetts.

9. "Dik-dik"

A dik-dik is a small antelope that lives in eastern and southern Africa.

10. "Dongle"

As described by Merriam-Webster, a dongle is “a small device that plugs into a computer and serves as an adapter or as a security measure to enable the use of certain software.”

11. "Dreamhole"

A small opening made in the wall of a steeple or tower to allow in sunlight or air. (Any word that has the term “hole” in it automatically sounds obscene. See “tease hole” below).

12. "Fanny-blower"

A 19th-century fan.

13. "Fartlek"

A style of training in which runners alternate intervals of running at a fast pace with running slowly.

14. "Invagination"

Sadly, “invagination” does not refer to “vaginal imagination” (if only!). According to Dictionary.com, “invagination” is “a form or shape resulting from an infolded tissue.”