If Wedding Vows Were Honest

I can't stop laughing about the realistic wedding vows in a recent sketch by The Kloons, because weddings really do tend to bring out waaaay too much honesty in people. Very reasonable women turn into complete bridezillas who are all of a sudden singularly fixated on finding the perfect chair covers for their rehearsal dinner's rehearsal luncheon; Normally laid back distant relatives all of a sudden become a pack of rabid dingos, foaming at the mouth as they chase after you for an invitation for themselves and a plus one; Your completely cool, fun college friend starts a rant against marriage as a tool of the Patriarchy from the moment you tell her you're engaged straight through to the reception's cocktail hour.

In my more cynical moments, I've thought that maybe weddings don't so much change people as reveal how crazy they are. A lot of the time, I think it's a craziness borne of too much honesty. Like, you're too honest about how you feel about everybody and everything and you need everyone to know. (Maybe this is just my Connecticut upbringing talking, but can't you just keep your emotions to yourself, people?) In this new video, the couple that The Kloons imagine share vows that take this concept of "too much honesty at a wedding" to its logical conclusion.

While weddings could probably use a little less honesty when it comes to leading up to the big day, I think we could use a little more in wedding vows! Certainly not to the level of this video, but being more honest about the quirky aspects of our relationships could replace maudlin sentimentality with heartfelt sentiment at the altar. Like "I promise to love you, honor you, and to not complain too much when it's my turn to clean the litter box. I promise I won't judge you too hard when it's laundry day and you wear your Bart Simpson boxer shorts with the hole in them...but I'll still judge you a little. I promise to quietly ignore your really gross farts and suffer in silence for the first year, but then after that I will loudly gag and question what's wrong with your insides."

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Image: YouTube