'The Voice' Knockout Rounds, We Hardly Knew Ye

It's night two of The Voice Knockout Rounds, a.k.a., the Round When Each Contestant Awkwardly Sits On The Stage And Watches Their Opponent Perform. The remaining performances were crammed into the second night, so there was a lot of show to get through. I'm not complaining. I'd take a jam-packed ep over a slower one any day of the week. Especially when Cher isn't here to rev things up. Adam Levine, Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton, and Cee Lo Green warmed up for tonight's show with a coach massage train. I sure could use a massage. Ohhhh, Adam Leeeviiiiiine! Come give me a… gift card to a massage parlor! See what I did there?

Here are my favorite pairings from the final night of Knockouts (yes, I covered Team Xtina twice. I do what I want):

TEAM ADAMLina Gaudenzi singing "I'd Rather Go Blind" vs. Preston Pohl singing "No Woman No Cry"

Lina's performance worked for me. There were sweet, soft moments as well as some incredible, loud moments. All I want is a dynamic vocalist. And Lina is that.

Preston sounded good, because Preston's voice is a force, but this song wasn't the most exciting fit. Not to beat a dead horse, but it wasn't dynamic enough for me. Hey, did you know that I love dynamic performances? Blake said the performance was "controlled," and I'll give it that. Preston's sound and energy is undeniably unique, and Adam valued that. Preston won the round, and no one stole the lovely Lina. DAMMIT.

TEAM XTINAAnthony Paul singing "The Other Side" vs. Jacquie Lee singing "Stompa"

Anthony had a rough round. It was as though his vocal cords were replaced with nerves. A tangled bundle of exposed nerves. Poor, poor Anthony. It was not good from start to finish.

Well, Jacquie's voice was powerful and on key throughout her performance, so she had the win in the bag. Xtina said that parts of Jacquie reminded her of herself. Then, Adam told Jacquie she is the cutest person he's ever seen. If Jacquie remained humble after that praise avalanche, bless her heart. Xtina picked Jacquie, and no one saved Anthony. Backstage, Anthony said, "I had a bad day. This was a bad day to have a bad day." That one knocked the wind out of me. There is no worse feeling than knowing you could've done something better. Devastating. Poor, poor Anthony.

TEAM BLAKEE.G. Daily singing "I Can't Make You Love Me" vs. Ray Boudreaux "Hard to Handle"

E.G. Daily, a.k.a. Tommy Pickles, showed off her raspy, raspy tone. Her rasp is the deal. When she went into her higher register, she lost the Tommy Pickles rasp completely. Her voice was full of surprises. Unfortunately, toward the end, her voice broke a few times. Noticeably. I, Kristie "Tone Deaf" Rohwedder, noticed it. Eesh.

Ray definitely displayed more vocal control than E.G. did. His voice was smooth and soulful, and while E.G. gave a more exciting performance, Ray's was stronger. Okay. I'll admit it: "dynamic" isn't always synonymous with "better." Ray won, and Tommy Pickles went home and took a piece of my childhood with her.

TEAM CEE LOCaroline Pennell singing "The Way I Am" vs. George Horga Jr. singing "Because of You"

Caroline sounded so easy breezy. This was less haunting than her Battle Round performance, but it was nice, nevertheless. It made me want to go to Anthropologie and buy a Voluspa candle. Blake said it made him want to "buy a cat and a pink blanket," so he and I were on the same page.

Something was off about George's entire performance. The coaches said he was flat. Okay, I'll go along with that. Caroline's sound stood out more, so I wasn't shocked when Cee Lo chose her. No save for sweet, young George.

TEAM XTINA Matthew Schuler singing "Cosmic Love" vs. Will Champlin singing "When I Was Your Man"

I didn't take many notes during this pairing. My jaw literally dropped and I breathed out of my mouth like a demon while Matthew performed. I kept punching my chair while Will performed. Oh, I should explain: I non-violently punch chairs or couches when I really like something. Cee Lo called Matthew "the Mike Tyson of The Voice," and, uh, yeah, uh huh, yep. Matthew FOUGHT. On the other hand, Will's performance was effortlessly beautiful. My reaction to Matthew's performance was a tad crazier, so I guess I'll give the round to him.

Xtina declared Matthew the winner, and kept calling him "magical." Because there is some good in the world, Adam stole Will. Aw, Will is back on Team Adam! What a happy ending!

And with that, we kiss the Knockout Rounds goodbye. Get your throat lozenges ready for next week because there will be three! Live! Shows!

Image: Trae Patton/NBC