Photos You Should Vow Never To Post To Instagram

The things you post on Instagram, for most people, are the cornerstone of your social media presence, which is something that's incredibly nuanced, and probably filled with tell-tale signs of your own idiosyncrasies. For instance, sometimes I look back at my posts and realize I, completely unconsciously, post a lot of photos of Jennifer Lopez in the last '90s and early '00s. I don't know what that says about me, other than I'm a totally awesome person to follow on Instagram because who wouldn't like to see lots of retro photos of Jenny From The Block? While there are lots of not only acceptable, but truly welcomed pictures you can post to Instagram (like the above), there's a rapidly evolving and growing lists of the sorts of pictures that are entirely unwelcome.

If you want to prevent yourself from making a social media faux pas, these are the types of photos you should ban yourself from posting all together. I'm not being judgmental. I've posted most of the following types of photos before, and as proof that I'm not above reproach, I'm using some of them as examples here. Because we're all entitled to our mistakes: what matters is that we try not to repeat them, and that we're always learning and growing and becoming more responsible members of the social media community. Here are 7 types of photos you should vow never to post to Instagram again:

1. Anything that's either intentionally or negligibly designed to make someone else feel bad about themselves

I've never posted anything like this, but I've had posts like this targeted at me. That's called "bullying" or "being a d*ck" or even "having such a rotten little life you've got nothing better to do with your time than find ways to be a monster to other people who are just minding their own business". These sorts of posts don't necessarily need to be aimed at one individual. They can include racist, sexist or any otherwise bigoted posts, whether born of actual hatred or plain blind dumb-assery, like Khloe Kardashian's moronic "Sheik Pussy" post above.

2. Too many selfies

Selfies are totally fine—IN MODERATION. No one wants to see sixteen selfies of you a day, unless you're some kind of beauty blogger and that's why people following you. For the rest of us, save the selfies for important hair cut moments, super cute outfits, and the inclusion of a new lipstick shade into your routine. And even then, only one at a time. No one wants to see twenty angles of your #KylieJennerChallenge.

3. Food you didn't cook yourself

Look, we're all proud to achieve in domestic life. If you've whipped up some glorious, Padme 10/10 worthy dish at home, then by all means, show the world. You've earned it. But we don't want to see your sad Chinese takeaway, or your perfectly plated tiny food at some expensive restaurant, or every goddamn latte you had over the weekend.

4. Your kid being boring

I'm going to quote my lovely editor Jessica on this one, because I don't have a kid but she does:

"You know when that kid is being boring. YOU KNOW. All parents know. Kid pictures on instagram should be reserved for introducing new babies (in which case, one "Hey, here's my new baby, FYI, he got bornt" photo will, despite what you think, suffice). And then, after that, for the rest of your kid's life, you can only post pictures of them when they are being seriously funny, talented, or cute. And not any of those things by your standards—by society's cold, harsh standards. If someone who doesn't love your kid wouldn't be entertained by a photo of your kid, don't post it to Instagram. Just email it to the people who DO love your kid, who will be thrilled to receive it, just like all the people who DON'T love your kid will be thrilled to not have to see it."

Unless, of course, your kid is North West, then proceed at will.

5. Animals or babies that don't belong to you

When people post pictures of babies that aren't theirs, I freak out and start thinking they had a baby and I somehow missed it. Like, how did I not notice my best friend was preg for the last 9 months? I mean, she must have been, because there are 700 photos of a baby on her Instagram all of a sudden. Likewise with pets. It's the equivalent of borrowing your friends dress, and silently taking the credit for all the compliments it gets when you're at a party. YOU'RE LIVING A LIE.

6. Hotdog legs

I mean, I get it. You're in some amazing exotic location, your legs are tan and glistening with sea water in the tropical sun. You want people to be jealous of you right now, and if we're being honest, they probably should be. The problem is, when you post a hot dog legs photo, everyone knows you're trying to make them jealous. And when you're making people jealous, it should be SUBTLE. Otherwise, everyone will just get to thinking you're a total a*shole (which, hey, maybe you are, but you can be a bit more coy about it).

7. "I Woke Up Like This" selfies

Everyone knows "I Woke Up Like This" means "I woke up like this, found the point at which the morning light hits my face perfectly, tousled my hair like a halo on the pillow, pouted, angled my face into it's prettiest side, took roughly thirty thousand selfies until I found the right one, then edited the crap out of it on VSCO cam before uploading." EVERYONE KNOWS.

Images: Khloe Kardashian, Kat George, Kim Kardashian/Instagram