Nobody is more aware of the Beanie Baby obsession than I am. People are still rampantly googling what their Beanie Babies are worth, and even in the last few days we found out that the Princess Diana Bear is going for a cool $30,000. My introduction to the madness was, at least, gentler than most. When I was 14 years old and still quite unaware of the savagery that Beanie Babies could inspire, I wondered out loud why the toy store I worked at didn't carry them when we carried a bunch of other stuffed animals. The store grew eerily quiet. "We don't speak of Beanie Babies," said one employee with the grim seriousness of someone in a Terminator movie. My curiosity was piqued.
Apparently a full year before I was hired, a Beanie Baby Incident had occurred, and time had yet to heal everyone's furry stuffed wounds. One of the bears was supposed to hit shelves that day, and it was expected to be popular—but nobody was anticipating a line that went down the block and across the street from this tiny, independently-owned toy store, just as nobody was anticipating the literal, actual fights that broke out between suburban families in the hours before opening. Cops were called, Beanie Baby collectors were shamed, and everyone decided it wasn't worth the trouble to carry them ever again. (It was, however, totally worth it to scare the living bejeezus out of their youngest-ever employee by rehashing the tale to me a year later.)
I didn't understand then what kind of human would be capable of such insanity over a stuffed animal, but with age comes wisdom, and a plethora of revealing YouTube videos that we didn't have back then. I've found some of these diehard fans, y'all, and I compiled them here for you. You think you were obsessed with Beanie Babies? Think again. Because these guys have it on lock:
1. This family that literally went bankrupt collecting Beanie Babies
You'll be seeing my family in a similar YouTube video about those Starbucks city-themed mugs by 2018.
2. This mom who has all of hers categorized and uses a magnifying glass to inspect them
I think we can all appreciate the bizarre musical number that happened in the background of this.
3. Whoever made this Beanie Babies version of The Hunger Games
STOP WHATEVER THE EFF YOU ARE DOING. I PROMISE THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT.
4. This collector who showed off pictures of their Beanie Babies set to club music
What UP! Beanie Babies in the house!
5. This enthusiastic self-professed Beanie Baby connoisseur
She is neck deep in the same #nostalgia the rest of us are.
6. These Beanie Babies who got unwittingly involved in a sister throwdown
7. This diehard collector whose Beanie Babies look like a mountain of bodies post-battle
This was really brave to post. Respect where respect is due.
8. This woman who walked us through all bajlillion of her Beanie Babies
Seeing the old guide books just filled me with way too many '90s feelings.
9. WWE Performer Kelly Kelly, whose collection puts yours to shame
This certifiable cat lady needs to be besties with Taylor Swift yesterday.
10. This woman who has her own adorable Beanie Baby Hotel
You can check in...but you can never leave.
11. This Robot Chicken clip that all too well represents the madness
R.I.P., everyone's sanity.
