If you’re the type of person who can get through a full hour without peeing, then consider yourself a very lucky human being. It may not seem like that big of a deal for you, but for those of us who constantly have to pee, your life sounds like a glorious vacation from our incessant need to empty our bladders. It’s not easy for those of us with so-called small bladders out there.
I know that I certainly have to pee all the time. I attribute this to the fact that I drink a lot of water, and when I say "a lot," I mean like even my nutritionist has suggested I cut back — but I can’t help it. I just love water.
I used to think that maybe my need to pee had to do with having a small bladder, but the truth is that small bladders are a myth (unless, of course, a bladder has been made smaller during a surgery for something like cancer). According to urologist Dr. Elizabeth Kavaler, all bladders are the about the same in size; it’s just how they function that’s different. Medical reasons like pregnancy, prostate issues, and urinary tract infections aside, some people simply have to pee a lot. It’s just the way it is.
If you happen to be one of those people, then you know exactly how much all this needing to pee affects your life. Here are 37 things that only people who have to hit up the loo all the time really understand.
1. First Off: You Always, Always Have To Pee
Even if you haven't had much to drink, you have to pee. It's always been this way.
2. You Can Pretty Much Pee On Command
It's true. All you need is someone to tell you to pee, and you just can. I don't know if it's a talent or a curse.
3. You Practice Preemptive Peeing
Always better to be safe than sorry. Like what if you're kidnapped in the next 10 minutes and your captors don't let you pee?
4. You Know All The Best Peeing Spots In Town
Because you've been to each and every one of them a dozen times each.
5. ... Or You’re Constantly Worried About Where To Find Them
You could be on vacation with friends, and while they're enjoying themselves, you're freaking the eff out about where the closet bathroom is ... and you don't even need to go yet.
6. You’ve Peed Outside More Times Than You Can Count
Sometimes, the line is too long and you just can't hold it. It's nothing to be ashamed of; it's actually a good skill to have in case you manage to escape from that aforementioned captor who's standing in the way of you peeing.
7. Your Friends Have Teased You About Your Non-Stop Peeing
If only had a penny for every time one of my friends mocked my need to pee, or "mark my territory," as my sister says.
8. You Always Choose The Aisle Seat On Planes
As much as you'd love the window, you just feel that, for everyone involved, it's best if you're on the outside. Having to ask someone to get up every 25 to 30 minutes can be really annoying.
9. You Limit Your Liquids At Outdoor Festivals
At festivals, you have two pee options: one of the many Johnny-on-the-Spot toilets that always have a hella long line ... or somewhere behind a bush. Neither is ideal, so sometimes it's just best not to drink anything at all.
10. You Know That Soda, Beer, And Coffee Are Big Triggers
You drink them anyway.
11. You've Wondered If Drinking Less Water Would Help (But It Doesn't)
It really should.
12. The Term 'Small Bladder' Makes You Feel Worse And Better At The Same Time
You feel relief that there's a reason ... but also annoyed that it's out of your control.
13. ... And It Kind Of Makes You Have To Pee Right Now
Because any talk about bladder will do that.
14. Hearing Those Tranquil Water Fountains Meant To Relax People Makes You Have To Pee
How can it not?
15. ...Actually Just Thinking About Them Does, Too
Where's the closest bathroom again?
16. You Might Have Researched Bladder Enlargement Surgery
But after reading about it, you're usually convinced to just live with your constant peeing.
17. If You’re Out With Someone And They Pee, You Figure You Probably Should Too
Again, it's called preemptive peeing.
18. You’re Also Amazing At Holding It, Even If It Doesn't Seem Like It
Because you've had to hold it one too many times. It's the story of your life.
19. A Lot Of Your Decisions Revolve Around The Question: ‘Should I Pee Now Or Later?’
Should I pee before I leave work for happy hour? Should I pee before I head home, or wait? Should I pee before or after lunch? The answer is usually to just pee.
20. You’ve Peed, Then Had To Pee Again, Less Than Five Minutes Later
It just happens, and depending on who's around, it can feel a bit awkward.
21. You Always Make Sure To Pee Before And After Sex
Gynecologists suggest that you pee after sex to help avoid urinary tract infections, but you just do it because you have to. Same goes for before sex, too.
22. … And Having To Pause To Go Pee Mid-Sex Happens All The Time
It would ruin the mood, if you and your partner weren't so used to it.
23. Long Bus Or Car Rides Give You Anxiety
So much so, that you'd rather pay the extra expense to fly or take the train, because we all know the bathroom on a bus, if we can even call it that, is always "out of service."
24. Standing In Line To Pee Can Induce A Special Sort Of Rage In You
Why do you have to be at the back of the line? YOU have to pee, dammit!
25. You’re Genuinely Worried About Your Friends Who Never Seem To Have To Pee
When you're out with friends and one of them hasn't peed for a couple hours, you just find it so strange. Like, maybe they're sick or something? They should probably get that checked out.
26. You Accept That You’ll Always Miss Something When You Go The Movies
In fact, you're an expert at gauging when it seems least likely that an important scene will arise — then you book it to the bathroom.
27. Whenever You Go Some Place New, You Immediately Scout Out The Bathroom
It's called being proactive, and there's nothing wrong with that.
28. When Eating Out, You Always Prefer The Seat With Easy Access To The Loo
Again, you're being totally proactive.
29. You Feel A Sense Of Pride When You Can Pee In A Cup At The Doctor's Office
All you have to do is pick up the cup and squat, and your bladder just lets loose like the champ it is.
30. You Get First Date Peeing Anxiety, Especially When You're Drinking
So you pee before you even leave your apartment, knowing you'll have to pee the second you get to the bar.
31. You Pee Before Yoga Class, But Still Worry About Having To Go In The Middle
Because you will, depending on how long class is.
32. You Get Nervous About Getting Caught Peeing In Pools
But sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, there's chlorine in there for a reason.
33. You Always Pee Right Before Going To Bed
If you don't, you have trouble falling asleep.
34. ....But Usually Have To Get Up In The Middle Of The Night Anyway
Damnit.
35. You've Asked Your Doctor If You Have A Problem (Even Though It's Always Been Like This)
And she always tells you the same thing: maybe stop drinking so much water. Really?
36. You Find Yourself Making Excuses For Your Need To Pee
With all the running out of rooms and demanding that public transportation stop roadside, you just feel like you have to come up with something to explain all this behavior, even though it's really nothing to apologize for.
37. ... But You've Come To Mostly Accept That This Is Just How Your Body Rolls
In other words, it's totally not your fault. Also, welcome to the club.
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