In case you only just now woke up or turned on your computer or crawled out from beneath the WiFi-less rock you've been living under, today director J.J. Abrams and Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy unveiled the second teaser trailer for Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens on Thursday. (You may or may not have heard of it, it's a pretty small little indie film. Not very many people are looking forward to it. Obvs.)
This most recent glimpse into a galaxy far, far away is still a teaser and not a full trailer, and therefore it's light on plot and character details — but it's certainly heavy on the intriguing imagery. We may still not know who the new actors are playing, or how big the original actors' roles will be, or what the heck the movie is really about... but we do know that Abrams' vision of Star Wars is a breathtakingly beautiful one.
As promised, there are a lot of practical effects on display in the teaser, and even those effects that are clearly computer generated look leagues better than anything seen in the much-derided prequels. There are slightly updated designs on old favorites like X-Wings and Stormtrooper uniforms. There are the stirringly familiar strains of John Williams' epic score. It all combines to create one of the viscerally exciting teaser trailers in history.
It's also one of the most mysterious. The teaser raises tons of questions about The Force Awakens, including...
1. The Crashed Star Destroyer
The teaser opens with this evocative image as the dunes of desert planet Jakku give way to the hulking corpse of an Imperial Star Destroyer. The mystery isn't how it got there (it crashed, duh), but rather — What does this image portend? What state with the galaxy be in when The Force Awakens begins? This is a post-Empire world now... but with glaring reminders of that empire literally scattered across the universe. Is it really gone forever?
2. Darth Vader's Helmet
The last time we saw this iconic black visage, it was in Anakin Skywalker's funeral pyre — hence its twisted, melted appearance. But who has it now? And why?
3. The Man With The Metal Hand
Who is that with R2-D2? Can we assume that it's Luke, whose own hand was infamously chopped off by his father in The Empire Strikes Back? If so, what's he doing in such a blasted landscape with only a droid for company? Will he be The Force Awaken's Obi-Wan Kenobi?
4. The Lightsaber
Since Daisy Ridley's Rey is the main female character in the film, can we assume that's her accepting the Jedi weapon? If so, who's giving it to her? And could she really be the daughter of Han Solo and Princess Leia, as so many fans assume?
5. The Man In The Mask
Who is that masked man? Presumably he's the same ominous figure from the first teaser — you know, the one with the much-debated-about three-pronged lightsaber. Is he a villain? (Sure seems like it.) Will he be played by Girls' Adam Driver, whose role is still a mystery?
6. The Stormtroopers
If the Empire was defeated, why are they back? And what's that striking red banner a symbol of? Has a new Empire already risen to take the place of the old one?
7. The Hangar Attack
Why does it appear that an Imperial TIE Fighter is firing on a hangar full of other TIE fighters and Stormtroopers? Did John Boyega's Finn survive the attack — or perpetrate it?
8. The Millennium Falcon
Who's piloting the fastest ship in the galaxy? Who's chasing it? Who thought it was a good idea to fly into the wreckage of a Star Destroyer? (I suppose the Millennium Falcon's flown into worse places, but still.)
9. Han Solo & Chewbacca
How are these old standbys reintroduced into the new saga? Why aren't Luke and Leia with them? By "home," Han is referring to the Millennium Falcon, right?
Of course, all of these questions only lead us to the biggest mystery of all: Why the heck do we have to wait eight months to see this movie?! To help you bide the time between now and Christmas, just watch this epic teaser over and over on a never-ending loop:
Images: Screengrab/Walt Disney Studios