The pizza delivery boy is a familiar common trope in the plot development of pornos, or at least, that's what I've been told. (I don't watch porn, grandma, I swear.) I assume that's because, when you think about it, it's frankly a bizarre request to ask a stranger to bring you prepared food to your house in exchange for money, so hey, why not make it even weirder by doing some rando sex? (Unless we're discussing the idea of Taco Bell delivery, which is such a normal, obvious idea that I still dunno how it isn't happening yet.) I only ask because a California woman ordered the "cutest delivery boy" to bring her pizza. How many delivery guys had to fight each other to take that call?
On the flip-side, I've had many friends who have worked food delivery gigs and the people they've delivered to have not always been people they would voluntarily choose to spend time with, to put it nicely. The people ordering in make questionable offers—and shockingly, a lot of those offers involve getting the delivery dude stoned (though, to be fair, I guess getting high, surrounded by pizzas, and getting paid for it wouldn't be the worst thing ever). Another friend told me a customer once invited him to share the pizza and when he accepted, he quickly found a freaking monkey walking around the apartment so he turned and left. (Sorry, Marcel, not feeling it.)
Fortunately, the story of this woman and her hot pizza stud had a much happier ending. Imgur user coldfan, who posted a photo of her original receipt, claims he was who the shop sent to her door. The directions with the order explicitly requested, "Send us your cutest delivery boy. Tell me I'm pret". The shop, Pizza My Heart, took that "pret" to mean "pretty," unfortunately cut off by a character limit.
Here he is, folks, Pizza My Heart's cutest delivery boy:
Apparently requests of this ilk are not totally unheard of: "I've had orders like this before so I was expecting a group of college girls," the delivery dude said. That's not what he found. Instead, the woman who ordered two medium-sized specialty pizzas was completely alone—at her own birthday party. You know, if it weren't for the empty birthday party detail, I'd say this woman is a hero. Actually, I'm gonna go ahead and continue to assert that. One of my many ambitious life goals includes ordering two fancy pizzas and a babely courier all by myself.
Anyway, the delivery boy in this specific instance (not the one in my head where he may or may not be Lil Wayne) took up her invite to join in on cake and conversation for about an hour. Sounds like the beginning to one of those films I was discussing before...right? Well, no news on that detail, but despite a written warning for taking his sweet time delivering, the cutest delivery boy is still employed. Oh! And before parting, he hugged her and told her she was pretty.
Sounds like a young man committed to his job, honestly. I sincerely hope this sparks a trend for a boom in official requests in addition to cheese pies (because let's be real, that weird monkey guy was not very official). Allow me to offer some ideas for starters:
"Send us your delivery boy with the most interesting middle name!"
Bonus: It offers pizza places a unique opportunity to bond and get to know each other on a more deep, name-based level! No lying allowed. We consumers can tell ("we check IDs").
"Tell me their favorite color."
A quick test to gauge someone's interest level in very important British comedy classics.
"I challenge them to a round of Scrabble!"
Fine. FINE! I'll admit it: My fantasy is for Lil Wayne to deliver me two gorgeous pies then play a heated (as in competitive, not porny) game of Scrabble. Gosh, y'all broke me.
Images: uıɐɾ ʞ ʇɐɯɐs/Flickr; Imgur; Giphy(3)
