While you were watching the MTV Movie Awards last night and reveling in the most awkward moments of the sex-positive ceremony, you might have missed a very important clip that dropped in the meantime: the trailer Scream's TV series remake. It's been in the works for a while — I mean, the original movie version came out in 1996, for Pete's sake — and originally MTV had billed it with an October premiere date so that it could coincide with Halloween. However, they've bumped it up to this summer, and you'll be able to watch its debut on Jun. 30. The story has been modernized, with a cyberbullying video going viral on YouTube serving as the catalyzing event, and this results in a brutal murder that reminds Lakewood residents of their town's violent past. Is it a new killer, a copycat, or the same murderer back for more blood?
These are questions I might be able to answer, had I see the original film, but full disclosure... I haven't. I wasn't allowed to watch rated-R movies as a teenager, particularly ones as gory as Scream, and, the one time I tried to watch it as an adult, I had to turn it off halfway through because I was traumatized. (So yes, parents, you were right. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??) But as someone who missed out on that particular cultural moment, I'm uniquely qualified to look at this one with fresh eyes and an open heart, so buckle up, because here come 12 questions I have about the new Scream trailer without seeing the original.
1. Are Curtains Really That Expensive In 2015?
Personally, I think they're an investment.
2. Isn't Bringing Your Phone Out To The Hot Tub Asking For Trouble?
Then again, considering that's practically a horror movie trope, this is probably intentional.
3. How Dexterous Does The Killer Have To Be To Send This...
4. ...While Doing This?
Shutting off all the power to your house and arcing a human head off the roof so it lands perfectly in your hot tub? Clearly we're looking for an athlete or some kind of sharpshooter. (Did I solve it??)
5. How Meta Is This Series Going To Be?
You think you're real clever, don't you MTV, getting all meta talking about how you can't do a slasher movie as a TV series? Don't you? Don't you? (Oh, meta humor made up a key component of the original films? Well. Now I know!)
6. Is The Killer Actually Really Silly?
Doesn't this silly murderer know that it's dangerous to put your head inside a trash bag? Guess not. So aha! Apparently he or she also grew up without parents to warn him of the dangers inherent in that activity — another clue! (I bet I will have solved it by the end of the trailer.)
7. What Body Part Is That?
Real talk, what body part is that? I feel like I don't have one of those. Should I be worried?
8. Why Would You Sleep With Nina?
And also: WHO IS NINA?
9. Does Anyone Have Common Sense?
If there have been murders in your town, what in the name of GOD are you doing in your garage with the lights off? Be smarter, people in horror movies!
10. What Exactly Are We Filming Here?
And again, where are your curtains? Do you need some? Let me buy you some.
11. Who Goes Swimming In A Lake Alone?
Oh yeah, that misty lake? I'mma go swimming in it alone! Please don't tell the murderer, because I feel like that's BIG TIME his scene. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO DO THIS??
12. Is The Murderer A Shark?
Oh but another clue! The murderer is a shark. An athletic, pun-loving, sharp-shooter shark with no parents. Guys, that was so easy I can't believe you didn't figure it out.
Obviously MTV's Scream series is going to be the best thing we've ever laid our eyes on, and a celebration of tropes — subverted, averted, or played straight — from the beloved film series I'm still terrified to watch. Check out the trailer below and get as excited as I am to finally experience the magic.
Image: YouTube (13)
