What Would 'She's All That' Be Like In 2015?

Today, in the world of remakes, it was announced that The Weinstein Company and Miramax may be rebooting teen movie She's All That, and aside from the obvious WHY behind this, I'm definitely wondering HOW. She's All That is a historically bad film, paling in comparison to its peers (10 Things I Hate About You), its predecessors (Pretty in Pink), and its parodies (Not Another Teen Movie). The only thing that saves it is its outdated '90s cheesiness, and I have to say, its pretty irresistible. So how would a modern She's All That go in 2015, let alone work?

I may be a twentysomething woman and all, but I've picked up bits and pieces of teen culture while visiting my mother's school, where she's a teacher. Kids today, while they still have the occasional penchant for Jeep Wranglers, are not what they used to be. And in short, She's All That would be a LOT different if it was set in our time of technology saturation and impossible hair standards.

And so we go back to the "how" of how this would work. Well, here's how I think a She's All That would be like...

Zack would have his own Facebook fan page.

Still outlandish for someone who would, in reality, become a steroid-addicted failure working at his dad's used car dealership immediately after college. But also less outlandish than someone hanging his picture in the middle of the hallway for no reason.

Laney Boggs would be an insufferable, raging hipster.

Mind you, I don't like using "hipster" as a derogatory term (I'm listening to Animal Collective and looking at listings for Greenpoint, Brooklyn apartments RIGHT NOW), but let's be honest: Laney WAS the OG hipster. Everything from the ridiculous glasses to the pretentious performance art confirms this. But in this iteration, she'll probably be considerably less awkward, Tumblr famous, and dressing in her disgusting "Rugrat chic" style for purposes of being "ironic."

Laney and Zack's arguments would be about the unfair differences between the upper middle class and the upper upper middle class.

"You don't GET it, ZACK. You live in a world of endless opportunities, of the iPhone 6, of never having to pay for your Ivy League school. And in my world, I can only communicate with my iPhone 5s. My dad can't even afford college, Zack. He said he can only cover three and a half years of NYU's $76,000 yearly tuition. I MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE OUT A LOAN TO COMPLETE MY FINE ARTS DEGREE, AND YOU JUST CAN'T RELATE TO THAT KIND OF REALNESS."

And she'd be working at a vegan bakery, not a falafel place.

Or maybe something of-the-moment trendy, like a frozen yogurt shop. In any case, it would less un-cool, more quirky.

Her iconic red dress would be replaced with some Kardashian knock-off body-con piece.

It would be, in so many ways, deeply inappropriate for a teenager.

And instead of a bob, her hair would become long, free flowing, and gently waved.

The popular little bastards today all have gorgeous, Rapunzel-like tresses, and it makes me feel uncomfortable about spending all of high school donning a Courtney Love cut. Ombre optional.

Instead of synchronized choreography at the prom, the dance floor would be a veritable orgy.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, modern dancing is basically just public anal sex. And TRUST ME, this rule applies to teenagers.

Laney would find out about her status as a bet through a text message from Dean.

She'd be snooping through Zack's phone when she came across a manipulative message saying "hey are u ever going to tell janey she's just a bet?" Janey then confronts Zack and they have a whole argument about if it's ethically justified if someone catches someone else in a lie if the other person was invading their privacy.

Images: Giphy (7)