What Your Favorite Johnny Depp Role Says About You

Cry-Baby turns 15 today, and I have to say, the misty-eyed greaser marked an important moment in Johnny Depp's career. After his stint on 21 Jump Street and getting turned into blood soup in Nightmare on Elm Street, Cry-Baby is one of Johnny Depp's first notable roles. Since then, Depp has portrayed a slew of crazy, lovable characters, and chances are you've fallen in love with one (or five) of them. So the question is, what does your favorite character say about you?

Luckily, as a regular Professor in Deppology, I have the answers ready for you. Now, because there were so many friendly faces to choose from, I really had to narrow it down. Realistically, there's no need to put down every Tim Burton role; LOVE him in Ed Wood but it's a bit under the radar, and nobody's favorite Depp character is what's-his-face from Dark Shadows, let's be real.

But I think you'll still have a favorite among my selections, because Depp brings his unique energy to all of these quirky kids, and Willy Wonka aside, there's no reason they wouldn't make you swoon. As per usual, take my assessments with a grain of salt, and have a grand old time!

Cry-Baby from Cry-Baby

You like red lipstick, heavily stylized cinematic pastiches, and still think hanging out at a diner at 2 am makes you a badass, despite being in your mid-twenties.

Edward Scissorhands from Edward Scissorhands

In high school you had a bunch of Hot Topic gift punch cards, a journal filled with angsty musings and an insecure goth boyfriend. Come to think of it, everyone you've dated is like, pasty with stupid hair. Weird.

Everything makes you cry. Everything.

Benny Pearl from Benny & Joon

You can pull off thick rimmed glasses and play the ukelele. Likewise your boyfriend wears a bowtie and suspenders, and somehow that doesn't make you want to projectile vomit.

Gilbert Grape from What's Eating Gilbert Grape

Honestly, you're more of a Leonardo DiCaprio girl, but you appreciate a broken man when you see one.

Raoul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

You are the life of the party, always hyper, exceedingly eccentric, much smarter than people give you credit for. You have breezily uttered the phrase, "Molly is a sometimes drug."

Roux from Chocolat

You are having sex right now. Or at least you're thinking about it. You have a well-curated Instagram that shows you doing a variety of sensual, glamorous, dimly-lit things. For example, last week you went to an absinthe bar, ordered oyster shooters, and shared it with all of your social media besties. Who cares if you think oysters are disgusting?

Sheldon Sands from Once Upon a Time in Mexico

You're not afraid to cut a bitch.

Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean Films

You've maybe had ONE emo boyfriend in your youth, or like, maybe you kissed a dude who wore guyliner, but either way you never went full goth. You do actually still know where your Hot Topic punch card is, even though you last used it to buy an Adventure Time tee-shirt three years ago. Alternately, you were an impressionable preteen in 2004 and really haven't thought of Depp since.

Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

You're obviously confused, because Gene Wilder is the ONLY Willy Wonka that matters. That aside, you watch To Catch a Predator in your spare time, and have a thrice-punched Hot Topic punch card from Christmas shopping this year, but don't know if you'll be using it any time soon.

The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland

You're 15 and en route to the mall right now. Thank god for your Hot Topic punch card.

Images: Giphy (10)