'Pretty Little Liars' Will Return When?

AHHHH Pretty Little Liars will return Jan. 7. BYE everyone, I'm going to go hibernate until it starts up again. (Thank god we have the Halloween special Tuesday to tide us over.) The ABC Family mystery-drama regularly defies space, time, and logic with its reality-bending plot twists, but it never defies my heart. Season 4 will pick up where the show left off back in August (and believe you me when I say it ended with a gigantic reveal), and it's safe to assume that, in true PLL style, the show will continue riding the crazy train (not the Ghost Train. Different train). I don't read the books (I don't want a minute of this show spoiled for me), so I'm left to my own PLL expertise to predict what definitely won't go down during the second half of Season 4. These are my ABC Family-educated guesses, but there are some spoilers from earlier seasons. So, minor spoiler alert. Here are the things we KNOW won't happen during season 4.2 of Pretty Little Liars:

Will we meet Mona's parents? NOPE!

Mona raises hell all over Rosewood, is in and out of Radley, and confessed to the murder of Detective Wilden. We've never seen her parents, nor do they ever come up in conversation. Ever. It's cool that they let her be independent and do her "A"-Team thing, but I'd expect even the most easy-breezy parent to drop by if their kid wound up in a sanitarium. Therefore, I don't think her parents exist. At this point, an Orphan -esque backstory for Mona seems more probable.

Will Emily not end up trapped in something for a change? Heck no!

"A"/Red Coat seems to love targeting Emily, and s/he doesn't give any indication s/he'll let up. Emily's been locked in a carbon monoxide-filled barn! She's been trapped in an elevator! She's been stuck in a wooden box! A wooden box that was placed on a conveyer belt at a sawmill! There was a saw at the end of the conveyer belt! She's been locked in a number of basements! Poor Emily. She'll probably wind up barricaded in a laundry chute full of nasty undies at "A"/Red Coat's hand.

Will Karate Jake and Aria's Relationship Work Out? HAHAHA, you're kidding, right?

Well, Aria already laid the foundation for this one during the first half of the season. She cheated on Jake with pervy Ezra. It was only a matter of time, because Aria and Ezra are a pair of trolls who think their relationship is the cutest, most storybook-y love that ever existed. 'Tis a shame, because Karate Jake is a sensitive and smart dancin' machine WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE HER AGE.

Will we learn why The Grunwald's eyes look like smoke? Of course not.

The Grunwald has glowing, grayish eyeballs. They're the second obviously supernatural thing to happen on the show (the first was the weird ghost girl that hung out with Ashley Marin during last year's Halloween special), and given that we never learned why a spooky dead kid was lurking around the Marin house, I doubt we'll ever receive an explanation for the Grunwald's creepy eyes. Perhaps Ravenswood will give us the answers we're looking for! Meh, I won't count on it.

Will "A" finally be revealed? Nah! That's no fun!

Yeah, the summer finale crescendoed with the "EZRA'S IN THE LAIR!" twist, but this show is notoriously awesome at not giving us real answers. I smell a fake-out! More likely than not, Ezra isn't "A," and we're back to square one. I've watched a lot of Scooby Doo, but PLL puts the cartoon's red herring count to shame. We'll never find out who's behind "A", and the show will continue to laugh at us suckers.

Photo: ABC Family