'RHOMelb' Hosts The Great La Mascara Debate

After all of my years of watching reality television, I’ve come to learn that sometimes, the most memorable moment of an episode of reality television isn’t necessarily The Big Moment. Sometimes, it’s the little asides that stay with you long after the credits roll. The Big Moment of Thursday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne was, without a doubt, the Janet versus Gamble “EVERYONE IN MELBOURNE” confrontation. (Raise your hand if you laughed out loud when Gamble shrugged and admitted she totally made up the story about Janet selling herself for heroin. She fabricated and released a gnarly rumor into the conversation without batting a perfectly mascara’d eyelash. Gamble slays me week after week.)

Speaking of mascara, the scene from Thursday night’s ep of RHoMelb that stuck with me was the La Mascara video shoot. That short scene took me on an emotional roller-coaster. A journey. An odyssey.

It began with a pronunciation debate: Jackie and husband Ben argued over how to pronounce La Mascara. It was a “La Mahscahrah” versus “La Mahhhhhhh-skahrah” showdown. I wonder how many times they’ve had this conversation, I thought while Jackie and Ben continued to ping pong. I'm surprised they haven't settled on something yet. What will it take to clear this up? A pronunciation expert? An articulation scientist? A syllable emphasis consultant?

After the mahhhhhhh-sconflict, Janet stopped by the shoot. She was there to support her friend, but she also wanted to ask Jackie to use her “psychic vibe” to divulge what will become of Janet and Gamble's fight. (Spoiler alert, amirite?!) Oh, thank goodness, I thought, There truly has not been enough psychic activity this season. Seriously. I love that stuff. Season 2 needs to step up its Psychic Jackie game. Jackie rules.

Jackie relayed what she knew about the future of the Gamble/Janet conflict (she more or less said Gamble will be mad at Janet until she realizes Janet means well... or something? I'll admit, though I was so excited to see Jackie dropping future-truth bombs, I didn't exactly latch onto the content of the future-truth bombs. No disrespect to Jackie. I was just too overcome with joy. Overwhelmed by the future-truth bombs). I did not want Jackie to ever stop sharing her psychic knowledge, but like all good things, the moment came to an end.

But I would not be too upset. Before I could begin moping, Jackie was standing in front of the cameras, twirling around as a deluge of pink confetti fell from the ceiling. AUGHHHH I am who I am, and I love confetti, I thought. This has been a fantastic five minutes.

And then, it happened: In a talking head, Jackie pronounced “La Mascara” the way her husband pronounces it. She was taken aback when she realized she said “La Mahhhhhhh-skahrah.” Ben had won.

…Or was she actually surprised? I wondered. I bet Psychic Jackie wasn't surprised at all. I bet Psychic Jackie saw that coming from a mascara away.

Image: John Tsiavis/Bravo