Texting is kinda dumb, but unfortunately, it's an unavoidable thing in 2015. Through practice and patience, we learn the careful nuances necessary in crafting a perfect text. It's almost as if vocal tone, facial expression, and IRL human interaction is completely useless! Haha! But really — one of the first lessons absorbed through such studies in subtle texting d*ckishness is the the truly offensive nature of the letter "k" when standing alone. Sending "k" as a response is super rude. No interpretation needed for that one. Consider it a fact.
Note how I called The K Lesson "one of the first" — meaning, we are still in the cursory process of beginning to unearth the impossibly fine distinctions added intentionally to texts to convey a specific air, if you will. Recently, studies suggested the simple inclusion of a period (".") in a text injects extra weight — namely, ending an iMessage with a period will probably make its recipient think you're super pissed. Punctuation is powerful, y'all. As is capitalization. Again, it's all about the subtleties. Take for example the deceptively straight-up word "cool" and how it may differ with different punctuation and capitalization. It may look innocent and accidental, but oh boy. Here I am to help instill the paralyzing paranoia that that text might mean more than you first think:
"Cool!"
Title-case capitalization, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Usually universally good; "Yeah, works for me and I can't wait to do it with you also you're pretty great!" or "I love that idea and you as well!" or "FASCINATING. By the way, we should eat tacos together soon — my treat!"
"cool!"
Lower-case capitalization, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Same as above, but much more deliberately chill. Or they set up their phone to stop autocorrecting to title-case (which, by default, is also chilling with purpose). Or they are graphic designers (seriously, show me one graphic designer who doesn't subscribe to this tic and I will treat you to tacos).
"COOL!"
All-caps, ending with an exclamation point.
Meaning: Next-level stoked or next-level stoned; "I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH".
"Cool"
Title-case, no punctuation.
Meaning: Varies intensely; "Into it, but also — I'm busy AF right now talk with you in a sec" or "Yeah yeah yeah. I can't tell if this is annoying me" or "Haha, I'm driving and voice-to-text is whack".
"cool"
Lower-case capitalization, no punctuation.
Meaning: Probably not great; "ugh i'm 2 kewl 4 u i have design projects rn 2 tend 2 so liiike".
"COOL"
All-caps, no punctuation.
Meaning: "I hate that/you/myself".
"Cool."
Title-case capitalization, ending with a period.
Meaning: Another obnoxiously varied one; "That's seriously fine but also keep in mind you're texting an incredibly boring person at the moment" or "This annoys me" or "I will probably never speak with you again".
"cool."
Lower-case capitalization, ending with a period.
Meaning: You royally pissed off a graphic designer. Woo, bb.
"COOL."
All-caps, ending with a period.
Meaning: Sarcasm, always.
"Cool..."
Title-case capitalization, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: Wild card; "I don't know what's happening" or "You might be a moron" or "You might be a moron but I'll be over ASAP sans underwear".
"cool..."
Lower-case capitalization, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: Sexy; "once i finish rendering this illustration i'm gonna give you the most mind-blowing night everrr".
"COOL..."
All-caps, ending with an ellipses.
Meaning: This never happens.
"Cooooooooooooool" or "cooooooooooooool"
Title-case or lower-case capitalization, no punctuation, multiple Os.
Meaning: Positive; "It's on".
"COOOOOOOOOOL"
All-caps, no punctuation, multiple Os.
Meaning: "Bye".
"cOoL!" or "cOoL." "cOoL" or "cOoL..."
Alternating capitalization, any punctuation or lack of punctuation.
Meaning: "I'm high. Wanna go gab some burritos? Two or four burritos each? IDK LOL ILY".
Happy decoding, y'all. And now rest assured when I text you "cool" it almost never is synonymous with "gotcha". Unless it is. ;)
Images: Pexels; Giphy (15)
