10 Emotional Stages Of Reading 'Gone Girl'

For a while, it was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I was overseas in the height of the buzz, but even in England, the bookstores had stacks and stacks of it in their windows. It was a bestseller, a sensation! it was brilliant, magnetic! It was everything everyone wanted in a book, and it was impossible to ignore. Gone Girl was taking over.

I purposefully ignored it for a little while. I refused to see Titanic for basically the same reason — everyone had seen it, so I wouldn't. Besides, I was genuinely too busy back in 2012, and then in 2013 when the movie buzz was going on, and then in 2014 when the movie came out. I was just too busy.

OK, not exactly. I was still too stubborn to get on board. But it's 2015, and if so many people are still obsessed with this one book, telling me they love it and it's brilliant, I can't just ignore them, can I?

So I succumbed and read it, and now I get it. It's a roller-coaster of a read, sparing no emotion. Here's what my Gone Girl experience was like. Do you remember your first time?

Hmm, this is actually pretty good

I really wasn't expecting to be pulled in so quickly, but I was.

Wait a second, what's going on here, why am I reading a diary?

I'll go with it, though.

Oh, I see how this is going to go!

I'm getting a feel for this book now.

Um, things are getting sexist around here and I don't like it

I'm starting to regret reading this. Maybe everyone I know who loved it is an idiot... but I'm also totally hooked and there's no way I'm stopping now. Worse comes to worst, I'll rant about gender and sexism with everyone who's read it once I'm done.

TWIST TWIST TWIST WHAT

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON WITH THAT DIARY. I KNEW IT. But was also totally blindsided by it. Like seriously, that black page in between sections is a force to be reckoned with.

Why do I love this crazy psychopath?

I shouldn't. It's so wrong. But I do. I mean, the power, the ambition, the sheer force of will that's involved here! How can you NOT love the psychopath? That's what psychopaths count on, though, so maybe I should be worried for my safety now...

I am so angry, though!

If my copy of Gone Girl were red and I was a dude, that'd be me up there. I am so angry on everyone's behalf. There're no good guys here.

Maybe there actually are good guys, though? Am I being too harsh?

How do I handle this? Whose side should I be on? Help! This book is making me think so hard about my morals and gender and love and relationships and social mores!

OH NO YOU DIDN'T

Oh yes, she did. I can't even believe it. Girl back.

Aaaand, the ending. I am so conflicted about everything. I don't know if I should be feeling this...

...or this:

Fine. I guess I'll just read it again.