Kim K.'s Old Ring Sold For How Much?!

Somewhere, out there, there is a very lucky individual who now owns Kim Kardashian's engagement ring from ex-hubby Kris Humphries. Us Weekly reports that the ring, which means more to me than the Hope Diamond, sold Tuesday at Christie's auction in NYC for $620,000. Whoa. Whoever snagged the ring made off like a bandit! That price tag is nothing for the modern day relic.

The bidding started at $200,000, which is offensive. This ring is more diamond than not! There is one 16.21-carat diamond plus two 1.8-carat diamonds. And there's the "Kim Kardashian of Keeping Up With the Kardashians wore it" factor. The ring could have been a twist tie and it'd be worth an infinite sum of cash.

Are you appalled at how much moolah someone forked over for the ring? Think of it like this: there is very little you could spend that amount of money on that'd be more reasonable than that jewel. You could buy a house, sure. How mature and boring. I suppose you could donate the money. That'd be really commendable. But! Us Weekly reports that a portion of the ring's proceeds will go to a charity. So, two birds, one stone (or three, if you want to get technical). Let's talk actual purchases. Get ready, because I'm about to break down just how practical the Kim K./Kris H. failed marriage ring truly is, comparatively:

• You could own 11,481 pairs of TOMS shoes for that price. I wear through shoes fast, but not that fast. My shoe rack is at maximum capacity, and I can't rationalize renting a storage unit for canvas slip-ons. No one wants that absurd amount of shoes, anyway. Everyone should want Kim Kardashian's old engagement ring. It's so timeless and understated!

• $620,000 could get you 38 Fiat 500 cars. Where would you put those cars? Do you have a palace with unlimited garage space? If you do, I'm really happy for you. If you don't, 38 Fiats would be such a hassle. Think of the parking tickets! However, it'd be fairly simple to store one piece of jewelry (I do encourage using a safe to store the ring. Like I said, its value can't be quantified).

• A crazy person would buy 124,000 $5-Footlong sandwiches from Subway rather than investing in the stunning diamond ring. It'd be impossible to finish all of those sandwiches before they went bad. What a waste of food.

• Do you want 621 portable hot tubs? Of course you don't. That'd be so much maintenance to deal with. Not to mention, hot tubs are germ dens, and it would be a pain in the ass to keep all of those chlorinated. Not worth the trouble! One ring, on the other hand (ha!), would be easy-peasy to treat and clean.

• Part of me understands the temptation to purchase a life-sized Yeti statue from SkyMall. But I draw the line at ordering 275. What would the neighbors think? Nothing short of, "I wish that person would stop buying dumb lawn ornaments and invest in something more practical, like a piece of jewelry once worn by a reality TV star."

You get it now, don't you? You don't want a pile of meaningless things. You want one thing that carries so many memories (ooh, you could watch the Kim & Kris H. wedding special while wearing the ring! I hope the person who actually purchased it does that immediately) and makes you feel like Calabasas royalty. Ugh, I feel like such a Gollum.