Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” must have never been told a rude word, or never went to high school. Words hurt, and they can leave scars with us that are difficult to heal. We are not perfect and we occasionally react in ways we wish we could take back. Sometimes we say things that are hurtful and that we don’t truly mean. Other times, we don’t even realize the things we are saying to another person can be damaging. We aren’t aware of our passive aggressive tone, or that we don’t need to bring up that one subject again.
All of this goes for being in a relationship, as well. It’s normal for couples to argue and to get into heated debates, but we do need to eliminate some words from our vocabulary. Communication is key for a relationship to be strong and healthy. With that being said, you want to communicate in an effective way, instead of using words that might stir up emotions. Here are 7 things you should stop saying to the person you are dating.
Check Out: Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict, $12.70, Amazon
1. Threatening To Leave
Unless you are dead serious about leaving your partner, you should never threaten it. Making threats left and right only leave you feeling regretful and your other half feeling insecure in the relationship. How is your lover supposed to feel safe and vulnerable with you if they think you have one foot out the door?
2. Hurtful Names
Some people get down and dirty when they are upset. Whether it’s a learned style of fighting from their childhood or they watched one too many episodes of the Sopranos — it needs to stop. Calling your partner words like, “Bitch” or “Asshole,” isn’t going to help any situation. It will only make you and your loved one lose respect for one another.
3. Rude Remarks About His Or Her Family
I get it, you don’t love the fact that his mother always has to give her two cents about your relationship. No matter how much your partner’s family members annoy you, keep your feelings to yourself. Family is family and they are here to stay. Be careful what you say about them because they are never going away. You know what they say, “Keep your friends close, but your partner’s family members closer.
4. “You NEVER Do A, B Or C”
I know, sometimes it gets frustrating that your partner doesn’t do exactly what we were hoping they would. Whether it’s cleaning up after they eat, or spending more quality time with you — it’s how you communicate that will get your message through. When you start out a sentence with “you never,” never expect them to be receptive. You’ve already put them straight into defense mode because it sounds like an attack. Instead, put it in a positive spin by saying “I would appreciate if you would do a, b or c.”
5. “You Can’t Do This Or That”
The word “can’t” should only be spoken by your angry parents, not by your romantic partner. In a relationship, there will be times where you wish your significant other didn't do certain things, like go out with his or her friends on date night or spend the rest of the grocery money on shoes. You will want to tell them they "can't do that." The problem is, we are not in charge of our partner. So by using the word "can't" only makes us sounds controlling. Instead, express how it feels when your other half does a, b or c.
6. “Relax” Or “You’re Being Too Sensitive”
Telling your other half to “relax” if he or she is upset, is like asking them to get 10 times more upset. When you say comments like, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” it only invalidates your partner’s feelings. People feel how they feel. So instead of lessening how he or she feels, try to understand where he or she is coming from.
7. “You Always” Or “You Never”
Using words such as “always” or “never” when you’re trying to get your point across to your significant other, will do just quite the opposite — get your point no where. These all or nothing words exaggerate what is actually occurring and even worse, send your partner into defense mode.
Image: Emily/Flickr
