This House Is Totally Full Of Spiders And Just No

Remember the Rob Zombie movie House of 1,000 Corpses? It was derided (or lauded, depending on who you're talking to) as a movie designed solely to disgust, unflinchingly depicting gory horror upon gory horror. For some, this video is likely to make House of 1,000 Corpses look about as scary as a Sesame Street Halloween special. Welcome to House of 1,000,000 Spiders! I cannot. Please get me out of this internet.

Seriously, if you get nervous around our eight-legged friends, do. not. watch. this. video. The walls are literally alive with Daddy Longlegs. I actually kinda dig spiders (they eat the really annoying bugs!) and I want to briskly trot away from my computer after gazing upon this monstrosity. Enormous clutches of spiders drop from the ceiling to the floor and then individuate, scurrying off like some sort of minions of the Elder Gods.

But, you know what? Maybe I'm going about this all wrong! With the right combination of sound effects, celebrity voices, editing, and soundtrack, we could turn this movie into a really lucrative frat house comedy romp! Like, get one spider to be the hapless but witty nerd hero who wants to start a spider fraternity to impress the sexy co-ed spider (who, of course, is dating the Big Spider On Campus, president of the coolest but meanest frat). So he puts together a lovable group of misfits and before you know it, Spider Delta Gamma becomes a haven for everyone in college who thought they were all alone. Hilarity and hijinks abound!

"Toga! Toga! Toga!"

OK, you've been warned so here it is. If you get scared, just imagine Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn voicing the spiders as Smashmouth plays in the background...