Love isn't blind, and we sure know dating isn't blind, either. There are a lot of nuanced factors that go into triggering that ultra-dopamine rush... especially one that can be sustained long enough between both parties to necessitate developing a relationship. Sadly, though, biology is still largely in charge when attraction happens. There's no way to argue or persuade biology, even if the person with the pheromones our brains most like stands a good foot taller or shorter than you. We can't deliberately choose who we fall for. It's fate! And science! Mostly science, though! Isn't that so romantic?
I'm five-foot-three and wouldn't identify as catastrophically or even particularly short. But coupled with a six-foot-two partner, it certainly looks more that way, huh? Although I have a bit of a history of dating taller dudes, I swear it isn't intentional. Height seems to play key in a lot of folks' dating decisions, though, if Tinder profiles are any indication. Some people much prefer to date someone only five-foot-eight or taller so heels look less extreme. Others only feel comfortable if they're able to tuck their S.O.'s head under their chin while standing. Deliberate or not — exceptionally tall, or short, or neither — at some point you may find yourself in a relationship with a noticeable height difference. And if you already have or are currently wrapped up in one, you'll know what I mean. (Hint: most of it involves compromise which, TBH, should be a core of any functioning relationship, despite how you measure up physically.)
Kissing while standing can be dangerous
Someone has to stoop. The other someone has to stand on tippy-toes. Occasionally, this inspires a mild case of vertigo that causes one or both parties to trip and/or fall. Stairs are one easy option to remedy this. Or sitting.
Holding hands is awkward
Holding hands, one of the most intimate displays of public affection, gets complicated with a lot of arm bending and dangling. Also, as the person who is typically shorter, I gotta say it makes you feel like you're being led on a field trip at a museum or something. Not the sexiest feeling, really.
Eye contact gets painful
Shorter people have to crane their neck and eyeballs up. Taller partners are forced to crumble their faces into what surely results in multiple chins. It isn't terrifically attractive for either person, in most cases.
Hugging is borderline comical
There's no casual OK ,SEE YOU LATER side-hug option here. It's a committed bear hug every time. The smaller half can barely reach all the way around the other person who conversely can wrap their limbs twice. Also—
Armpits act as an unfortunate head magnet
Especially with hugs. Someone's head is going to naturally fit in the other someone's armpit at one or many points. This can happen while standing, sitting, laying — pretty much any moment of existing.
Posing for photos is tough
There's no way to make this look natural if you want both of y'all to fit in a frame (which... I assume is the goal here). Extra challenge points for photo booth attempts and selfies. For the love of Bey, SELFIES CAN BE SO HARD. Tip: laps are an option.
Other people think it's chill to ask about your sex life
"But... how... ?" *darty eyes*. I don't know what it is about a height difference that makes people feel comfortable asking pretty personal questions, but whatever it is — it's potent. And if y'all must know, just rest assured we have our ways.
Some sex positions are just... not comfortably possible
Shower sex — although I don't consider super advisable in any circumstance (guys, it is SO slippery!) — with a person way taller or way shorter than you seems like a death wish. Busting out 69 simple does not work. Even missionary can get weird. If you are committed, you can navigate these moves. But in my modest opinion, sex should be fun and feel natural, not like practice for your contortionist routine. But also, I don't know your life, etc.
Scoffs from passersby
This may happen because the height difference makes it appear that an extreme age difference also exists (and even then, REALLY, it's nobody's business). Or it might communicate their frustration. One of my friends is five feet tall and engaged to a six-foot-two person. She told me a slightly taller woman once half-jokingly accused her of "stealing all the tall ones." It's not usually on purpose, guys! Also, WTF?
The taller person gets a lot of teasing power
When it comes to holding something just out of reach, refusing to grab the whiskey tumblers from the super high shelf, etc. Sometimes, too, the prospect of picking the other one up rises. THAT IS THE WORST (unless specially requested, then that's fine).
Borrowing cars isn't a quick thing
You gotta move the seat back to your normal leg length — not your partner's super long or super short one. Mirrors must be adjusted. Maybe even the steering wheel needs a little altering.
Swapping clothes is high-larious
I dated a six-foot-four dude for a while and during our relationship, I frequently borrowed his tank tops for a makeshift sundress. Seriously, I just added a belt. We laughed way too much over this.
Ultimately, height is vain whatever and doesn't matter. You found someone cool who thinks you're cool, too? Cool. Seriously — we can deal with all that stuff, right?
Right.
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Images: NBC; Giphy (13)
