15 Oscar Red Carpet Gowns That Didn't Even Try To Look Like Clothing

The reasoning behind Anne Sweeney’s split navy gown with crimson underlying is clearly quite innovative, but in reality the gown appears to be a horrifying Halloween costume.

As much as I admire Viola Davis’s sartorial choices and on-screen talent, the actress’s lurid green Vera Wang gown looked more like an asparagus tip than an ensemble.

I understand the impetus behind Laura Gorenstein Miller’s tiered mint gown, but the creation too closely resembles a head of lettuce to achieve “Best Dressed” status in my book.

Perhaps if Melissa Leo’s gown were more fitted or less stiff, the ensemble would have been a match made in heaven. However, in reality the look was incredibly akin to hole-punched thick stock white paper.

Simply because a haute couture designer created a confection does not necessarily makes the piece aesthetically pleasing. Case in point: Uma Thurman’s 2004 Christian Lacroix design appeared more like a belted duvet cover than a gown.

Much has been made of Bjork’s swan gown, but the simple conclusion is this: the “gown” was little more than a stuffed animal sewed onto a skating costume. However, Bjork can get away with such a bizarre statement because she’s Bjork.

Forget qualifying Brandi Glanville’s Oscar ensemble as a dress; the look barely constituted clothing, let alone a couture gown.

Sally Kirkland evidently enjoyed performing Salome’s “Dance of the Seven Veils” on the Oscars red carpet, not once showing remorse for the fact that her ensemble didn’t actually feature clothing.

I do appreciate the rich crimson hue of Selma Blair’s look as well as its ’20s connotations, but the fact remains that the dress is little more than a knotted, twisted ball or yarn.

Even Tilda Swinton appeared genuinely distressed to be dressed in what looked remarkably like a black velvet drapery of some sort.

Far be it for me to criticize the work of Giorgio Armani, but Jennifer Lopez’s 2004 Oscar gown did resemble a sort of space suit at certain angles thanks to its bubble wrap-esque fabric and avant-garde design.

Why Angelina Jolie chose to wear a mourning shroud as a gown is anyone’s guess.

Faith Hill’s decision to wear a rainbow-plumed bird to the Oscars was certainly a questionable one.

The lack of clothing in Pamela Anderson’s 2001 Oscars ensemble was all the more apparent when the star stood next to the elegantly attired Elizabeth Hurley, who did remember to clothe herself before she walked out the door.