Shame comes in all sorts of shapes and pops up in all types of situations. However, one of the most searing varieties surfaces when you learn, after years of saying something one way, a word you thought you knew how to pronounce is actually properly said an entirely other way. It's the verbal equivalent of spending the day walking around with swagger and flashing a zealous smile, only to retire home and find kale from lunch wedged deep in a front row of teeth.
In college, I worked at a record store. An older gentleman who fancied himself quite hip among the youths regularly sparked conversation about this up-and-coming artist Sufjan Stevens. (I'm dating myself; This was around 2007.) Now truly, the name Sufjan isn't a super common one so his mispronunciation wasn't exceptional. It was his unwavering commitment to continue pronouncing it suf-JAN for all time. I tried several times to correct him—that it was actually said "SOOF-yawn"—before finally giving up. It's like how in New York you can spot a tourist in Greenwich Village immediately when they refer to Houston as "HYOO-stun" instead of employing the proper "HOUSE-ton". It's fine, it's OK. There's not much hope in getting other folks learned—but you can get learned yourself, right here, right now. Let's get started.
Nationally
Bethesda, Md.
Say it: buh-THEZ-duh
Boerne, Texas
Say it: ber-NEE
Cairo, Ga. & Cairo, Ill.
Say it: CAY-roh
Des Moines, Iowa
Say it: DUH-moyn
Helena, Mont.
Say it: HELL-eh-nah
Kissimmee, Fla.
Say it: ka-SIM-mee
La Jolla, Calif.
Say it: la HOY-uh
Louisville, Ky.
Say it: LOO-a-vuhl
Milan, Mich.
Say it: my-LEN
Patchogue, N.C.
Say it: patch-hog
Schenectady, N.Y.
Say it: ski-NECK-tuh-dee
Schley, N.C.
Say it: sly
Sequim, Wa.
Say it: sqwim
Spokane, Wa.
Say it: spo-CAN
Versailles, Ky.
Say it: ver-SAY-els
Waukesha, Wisc.
Say it: WAH-ki-sha
Worchester, Mass.
Say it: WUSS-TER
Internationally
Beijing, The People's Republic of China
Say it: BEY-jing
Brisbane, Australia
Say it: briz-bin
Budapest, Hungary
Say it: bo-duh-PESHT
Colombia
Say it: co-LOHM-bee-uh
Iran
Say it: ee-RAHN
Iraq
Say it: ee-ROCK
Montreal, Canada
Say it: MUN-tree-awl
Mumbai, India
Say it: MOOM-bye
Niger
Say it: nee-ZHAIR
Pakistan
Say it: PAH-khee-stahn
Phucket, Thailand
Say it: poo-get
The River Thames, England
Say it: TEMS
Did that help clear things up at all? Hope so. Ultimately, you decide whether or not you wanna continue openly longing for a beachside vacation in f*ck-it. That's your call.
Images: Lovely Nymphet/Instagram; Getty Images; Giphy (7)
