People have used a lot of euphemisms for my hair in the past: curly, wavy, beachy, you name it. The bush that they are beating around, though, is the literal bush that is on top of my head, a bush that has been declaring for many years before Miley Cyrus ever hit the scene that it "Can't Be Tamed." I remember as early as preschool when other girls would try to run their fingers through my hair, and the expressions on their faces would quickly transition to a new brand of horror unlike any they'd ever known. My natural hair is basically a Chinese finger trap of knots, tangles, and pseudo-curls that put drugged out rock stars to shame.
That being said, I have been able to beat it into submission after many years of practicing with a hair dryer, and those brief few seconds of success have been immortalized by the pictures I put up on social media. But the truth is, over the years I have come to appreciate the unruly dead follicles on my head, to the point where I can proudly say that I lost my hairdryer several weeks ago and I have yet to even look for it. (This might also be a symptom of laziness, but let's pretend it's not.) If you can get past the occasional trapping of your loved ones' fingers, there are so many reasons to love your wild, crazy, uncontrollable hair:
You will never be bored
I basically live each morning with the kind of excitement that children used to open up their Wonder Balls in the '90s. I wash it the same way every day, and yet every day it looks entirely, incomprehensibly different than it did the day before (which is my theory as to why I took so many selfies on my computer in college).
You’ll save money on “beachy” products
One time, someone at a mall kiosk tried to sell me a beachy wave serum and I laughed so hard that the kiosk people left me alone. It was the first and last time in the history of the world that a mall kiosk person has ever left anyone alone.
It is particularly good at holding a curl
Yes, you have to get it just right, but if you find the method that works for your particular brand of crazy hair (mine, weirdly enough, is using a straightener to curl it), then you have just found the ultimate life hack for looking like you cared about your hair this morning.
It is soooooo satisfying to tie it up
PUTTING UP YOUR BUSHY HAIR AFTER A LONG DAY OF IT WEIGHING YOU DOWN IS BETTER THAN SEX. There. I said it. Move on.
It really weirdly does tend to match your mood
I swear, my hair is like a mood ring. On days when I'm stressed, it seems to be particularly voluminous, and when I'm sad, it actually looks like wants to wilt. It makes me feel like I've got a little buddy on top of my head, empathizing with me at all times.
Your good hair days are actually AMAZING hair days
About once a month, the planets will all magically align and the insanity on your head will somehow make perfect, beautiful, ridiculous sense and everyone will be in awe of it asking what you did. "I woke up like this," you'll say, and proceed to enjoy five whole minutes of smugness before a light breeze ruins everything again.
People are that much less likely to notice it’s dirty
They're too distracted by the mystery that is the shape of your hair to ever notice any telltale grease. Also, not to brag, but we absorb dry shampoo like total pros.
You have a built-in Halloween costume every year
Hi, yes, I'm a lion. GRAWR. *flips glorious mane at all the haters*
You can use it as a curtain to hide movie tears
I literally spent all of The Fault In Our Stars and last week's episode of Parks And Recreation with my head conveniently tucked into my wild curtain of emotions. DON'T LOOK AT ME.
It teaches you a little thing about patience
Hours I will never get back of my life include the ones I have spent blowdrying, curling, straightening, and (in the event I do none of these things) the literal four hours it takes for my hair to dry every morning because it is just that insane.
Non-crazy haired people can't ever achieve this on purpose
For better or for worse, this particular hairstyle is unique to us. No amount of serum or hair scrunching will do for them what nature does for us every day.
You don’t really have to brush it if you don't want to
I have learned over the years that brushing my hair doesn't make a difference. Actually, brushing my hair usually just makes it jump to a whole new level of insane. Just like me, it's gonna do whatever the hell it wants to do, so I might as well just leave it alone. And that right there, my friends, is how crazy-haired people learned the secret to sleeping in five minutes longer than the rest of the world.
