9 Things Anastasia Thinks Are Fifty Shades of Sexy

In Fifty Shades of Grey , Anastasia Steele gets a rather unusual introduction to "sexy" as she knows it. Throughout the early parts of the book, Ana expresses her complete unfamiliarity with someone making her feel, well, some type of way, and Christian largely shapes what she finds intriguing, seductive, and downright hot. (Hey, this is the literary manifestation of Jamie Dornan, visually. Who wouldn't be drooling?)

However, there are some things that push Ana's buttons in the best possible way that would have the exact opposite effect on many other women, I assume. Not to judge, of course — to each her own. If BDSM is your thing because you enjoy it, more power to you. But some things totally unrelated to the kinky lifestyle Ana gets herself into with Christian have me scratching my head. Wholesome body scents? Groutfits (read: head-to-toe gray outfits)? Some of Ana's favorite things wouldn't quite be classified as arousing in my opinion.

Either I'm way behind on what's steamy these days, or these things are just a tad unexpected when it comes to the sauciest moments in life. Here are nine things that Ana finds sexy in Fifty Shades of Grey that made me stop and think.

Clean, Wholesome Scents

“I inhale his clean, wholesome scent. He smells of freshly laundered linen and some expensive body wash. It’s intoxicating. ”

Considering Christian's dominant lifestyle, I'm not sure his scent could be considered "wholesome." And personally, I'd be offended if someone didn't smell clean when they rescued me from stepping in front of a cyclist whizzing by. But I guess when you're as hot as Christian, you could smell like garbage and it might be reclassified as sexy.

Elevators

“'What is it about elevators?' he mutters, more to himself than to me as he strides across the lobby. I struggle to keep up with him because my wits have been thoroughly and royally scattered all over the floor and walls of elevator three in the Heathman Hotel.”

Many steamy, sexual tension-filled moments happen in elevators in Fifty Shades of Grey — starting with Christian and Ana's first kiss. It's kind of their thing. Maybe it's just me, but lifts aren't exactly at the top of my "sexy places" list. However, I could see how the thrill of being caught would add to the appeal.

Plaited Leather Riding Crops

"Christian is standing over me grasping a plaited leather riding crop. He’s wearing old, faded, ripped Levis and that’s all. He flicks the crop slowly into his palm as he gazes down at me. ”

The plaited leather riding crop makes its first appearance in Ana's sexy Red Room of Pain dream. As a former horseback rider, I have to imagine that being swatted with one of those bad boys hurts. Like, a lot. But that's the name of the BDSM game, I suppose.

Literary Heroes

“Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way, but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination. Is Grey? my subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised. ”

Don't get me wrong — literary heroes can be incredibly sexy. Mr. Darcy? Swoon. But shooting down the handsome, sweet son of your employer solely because he isn't a literary hero seems a bit extreme. By Ana's standards, Christian apparently did turn out to foot the bill.

Drinking Wine Mouth-To-Mouth Style

“I hear the ice clink against the glass, and he leans down and kisses me, pouring a delicious, crisp liquid into my mouth as he does. It’s white wine.”

I think I might be a little turned off by this if it were me. I mean, sure, in theory it's just like kissing someone, but can't you just give me a sip of wine from the glass when you've got me tied up and blindfolded in my bedroom? Cut a girl some slack. I am not a baby bird. I want my own wine.

Ben Wa Balls

“He holds out his hand, and in his palm are two shiny silver balls linked with a thick black thread... 'I am going to put these inside you, and then I’m going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine.'"

So as it turns out, Ben Wa balls are, in fact, a sex toy. But when I think Ben Wa balls, I think of Khloe trying to strengthen her pelvic floor muscles (and then accidentally getting the balls stuck up there) on that episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (Don't judge me.) But these are pretty hot in the S&M scene too, apparently. At least Christian thinks so in one of the steamier scenes from the book.

When Christian Strokes His Lips With His Index Finger

“When I pluck up the courage to look at him, he’s watching me, one hand relaxed in his lap and the other cupping his chin and trailing his long index finger across his lips. ”

OK, so this is actually pretty hot when you see it in the movie trailer. But when I first read this description of Christian's mannerisms as Ana interviewed him in the beginning of the book, I imagined him using his finger in place of a tube of Chapstick or something. My imagination was weak here, obviously.

Having Your Tampon Pulled Out By Your Partner

“He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string — what?! — and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy f***."

This may be the most famously disturbing scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, and one I'm sincerely hoping we don't witness in the movie. Because it was just straight-up weird when Christian performed this little maneuver in his hotel bathroom in Georgia. Perhaps the most cringe-worthy moment in the entire book. *Shudders.*

Groutfits

“Holy hell, he’s been working out. He’s in gray sweatpants that hang, in that way, off his hips and a gray sleeveless T-shirt which is dark with sweat, like his hair. ”

And, finally, perhaps the most non-sensual outfit a person can wear: the groutfit. Translation: a head-to-toe gray outfit, usually sweats. I'm all for monochrome, but loungewear is an exception to this rule in my opinion, especially when the separates are gray. Even if you are a hot CEO who's just finished toning his spectacular muscles, a groutfit is decidedly un-sexy.

Images: Getty Images; YouTube; Maggie Osterberg, Nathanael Coyne, Rob Patrick, Barcex, Sportiqe, paulpeterspector/flickr