Will R Patz Head to Broadway to Play an Elephant?

There are no bones about it: Robert Pattinson is one weird dude. He's mentioned that he's hella embarrassed about the Twilight saga, especially filming his "O" face; he's dating beautiful extraterrestrial FKA Twigs; he once made a movie about riding in a limo to get his haircut. Speaking of haircuts, there's this monstrosity. Is he the next Joaquin Phoenix of our time, living his life as a sociological experiment? All this leads me to wonder if he will star in the Broadway adaptation of the film Water For Elephants, which he starred in with Reese Witherspoon in 2011. Long answer: I'm fairly certain that he won't. Short answer: Nah.

The Hollywood Reporter announced on Monday that producers Peter Schneider and Elisabetta di Mambro got the rights to adapt Water for Elephants for the stage and will work closely with Water for Elephants author Sara Gruen to bring it to life. The story "follows aspiring veterinarian Jacob Jankowski as he joins the staff of Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show on Earth, working with the circus' new elephant. He bonds with the show's equestrian star, who is married to its charismatic but troubled animal superintendent."

Pattinson played Jankowski in the film to Witherspoon's Marlena and Christoph Waltz's August, Marlena's abusive husband and also the trainer of the circus who abuses the animals. As far as a love triangle goes, that's pretty damn weird casting.

Even though the movie got mostly OK reviews — with a 60 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes — a lot of critics agreed that Pattinson and Witherspoon had almost zero chemistry, which isn't surprising, because Pattinson seems like a cold, unreachable man. Ella Taylor of NPR rather harshly (but hilariously) said "Pattinson is about as ardently expressive as a log of wood trying to pass itself off as James Dean." But would he reprise his role as the tender circus vet in the stage adaptation? He's done a number of stage plays, and perhaps he would be better in the flesh and with a different leading lady.

Still, I'd place all my money on the idea that no, he won't come back for the stage, but he's bizarre and unpredictable so you never really know. In an interview with Glamour back in 2011 when the film was released, Pattinson said he felt a kinship with the animals on the set: "I’m very trusting in them. I trust them more than I trust people. I think there is some kind of connection in that."

Maybe he will come back for the Broadway show, this time as Rosie the Elephant.

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