Taylor Swift, Assassin?

You'd think by now, people would know not to mess with Taylor Swift: either she'll write a song about you, get her friends to call you out, or just generally be so successful that your criticism is buried under the weight of four million 1989 CDs. Yet Diplo, the DJ and Major Lazer head, doesn't seem to have gotten the memo; back in November, he dissed Swift on Twitter, only to switch the insults to Lorde when the Royals singer defended her friend. Two months later, he apparently hasn't moved on, because in a profile for GQ, he brought up Swift's "lots of secrets" and said that she's made him "scared for my life."

Yes, Diplo, the man who got insulted by a 17-year-old calling out his "tiny penis," is terrified of Taylor Swift. More specifically, he's scared of what she's apparently capable of, which, he implies, is taking out those she doesn't like.

"Taylor Swift is very strategic with her friends and enemies," the DJ said. "And I know lots of secrets. I can’t divulge, but I know a lot of stuff about her. And I'm scared. I'm scared for my life."

I'm sorry, Diplo, but it's kind of hard to believe that the star who names her kittens after TV characters and makes needlepoints for her friends is secretly a crime lord. Sure, she's probably powerful enough to hurt a fellow musician's career if she wanted, but ending their life? I highly doubt the girl who thinks Chipotle costs 90 dollars is busy plotting A-list assassinations. Still, you never know.... could Taylor Swift, innocent role model and favorite star of preteen girls and middle-aged moms alike, really be dangerous? Let's take a look at some of her more suspicious lyrics and find out.

"Picture to Burn"

Incriminating Lyric: "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy/That's fine I'll tell mine that you're gay!"

Aggressive much? One of the first songs Swift fans ever heard from the singer, "Picture to Burn," in which she literally talks about burning the pictures of her horrible ex, might just have been an early sign of the danger to society she really is.

"Love Story"

Incriminating Lyric: "'Cause you were Romeo/I was a scarlet letter"

Scarlet = blood. Duh.

"Tell Me Why"

Incriminating Lyric: "You took a swing, I took it hard/And down here from the ground I see who you are"

And by "see who you are," she means figure out your insecurities and get major revenge.

"You're Not Sorry"

Incriminating Lyric: "Looking so innocent/I might believe you if I didn't know"

Is she talking about herself?!

"Back to December"

Incriminating Lyric: "You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye"

There's a reason we haven't heard much about Taylor Lautner's career recently.

"Mean"

Incriminating Lyric: "But the cycle ends right now/'Cause you can't lead me down that road/And you don't know, what you don't know..."

The whole song is a promise to get revenge on a mean critic who made fun of Swift's voice. If I were him, I'd be writing all my reviews from behind three bodyguards and a locked house.

"The Story of Us"

Incriminating Lyric: "And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."

At least for one of the members involved.

"Better Than Revenge"

Incriminating Lyric: "She should keep in mind/There is nothing I do better than revenge"

Perhaps calling out the song's subject for sleeping around and being a bad actress was really just the beginning.

"Haunted"

Incriminating Lyric: "And I can't trust anything now/And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake"

A paranoid Taylor Swift is a dangerous Taylor Swift.

"Red"

Incriminating Lyric: "Loving him was red"

See "Love Story."

"I Knew You Were Trouble"

Incriminating Lyric: "But I just thought/How can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?"

RUN AWAY FROM THE DEVIL, TAYLOR. RUN AWAY.

"Blank Space"

Incriminating Lyric: "Got a long list of ex-lovers/They'll tell you I'm insane"

Did you see the music video?

"Bad Blood"

Incriminating Lyric: "And time can heal but this won't/So if you’re coming my way just don’t"

The song that supposedly inspired the whole Swift-Diplo feud (he's dating Katy Perry, the song's reported subject), "Bad Blood" is all about Swift's hurt and her anger at the backstabber who caused it.

"Clean"

Incriminating Lyric: "And by morning, gone was any trace of you"

Diplo, watch your back.

Images: Tumblr (14)