Being in a long-term relationship has its perks, but honestly, it has its downsides, too. It's great to have such close intimacy with someone that even peeing with the door open is OK, but sometimes, things can get a little too comfortable. Before you know it, you can find yourself having the obligatory once-a-week sex, in missionary position only, just before you both roll over and go to sleep.
I'm the first to admit that keeping the passion alive in the bedroom isn't exactly easy. Admittedly, as much as I love my partner and love having sex with him, sometimes, I'd just rather eat pizza and watch My So-Called Life for the millionth time. Which is totally fine, of course, but as we all know, sex is important in a relationship. It's not just good for keeping that bond intact, but there are also physical and mental health benefits from getting it on regularly.
If you're in a long term relationship and feel things are getting a bit stagnant — or even if you aren't but would just like to mix it up even more — then here are some tips you may want to work into your usual repertoire of sexual activities. They're all really fun, and all of them have helped us keep it fresh.
1. Have Morning Sex At Least Once A Week
It has actually been scientifically proven that morning sex is great for you. Between being less self-conscious and the fact that your partner is already right there, it's a great way to start the day. I love starting my day with an orgasm and watching my partner grin all morning for the same reason.
2. Don’t Be Afraid To Surprise Your Partner
Even those people who are adamant about not liking surprises enjoy surprises when it comes to sex.
I love to welcome my partner home with a sex-related surprise. Whether I tell him not to say a word as I pull his clothes from his body, or greet him with nothing but a sly grin, it's fun for both of us. The key here is not to do it too often. Surprises are meant for special occasions.
3. Take An Evening To Share Your Ultimate Fantasies
Once you've been in a relationship for a long time, you've tackled the awkward stuff and can truly open up — especially when it comes to sharing your fantasies. My partner and I are really open about what turns us on and accepting of what the other wants. We try to fulfill these desires or, at the very least, find a common ground. We've also learned that some fantasies can't be fulfilled, and that that's OK, too.
Set a specific night aside to discuss your fantasies. Chances are, even if you don't think you have any, you'll discover something after talking for awhile.
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4. Flirt Like You Mean It
Too many people think flirting is what you do to lure the object of your affection into your clutches — but it's more than that. Flirting is playful and fun, so throwing your partner a wink is a friendly reminder that you're still hot for them, even when you're not in the bedroom. I think I've perfected my flirting game since I've been in my long-term relationship, which is great for when we break up. I kid!
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5. Make A Plan to Try One New Sex Position a Month
The Kama Sutra exists for a reason — and it's not to give Cosmo more fodder for impossible sex positions that "your man will love!" Although it does include 64 sex acts, it's also a guide on all things amorous, including reaching ultimate intimacy during these positions. Sure, you won't be able to master them all, (and besides, who really wants to stand on their head during sex), but trying some out, especially these ones, can be fun.
Try Kama Sutra for Beginners, $12, Amazon
6. Get To Third Base Someplace Public-ish
The world is your oyster! (Hee hee.) There are so many places where you can have sexy times with your partner, so keeping it just in the bedroom isn't an option. Spice it up! I'm not suggesting you take to a public bench for all to see, but with discretion and creativity, you can make it happen in more places than you know.
7. Meet Each Other For The First Time — Again
While personally, I think the whole school girl role-playing thing is played out, what I do love is meeting my partner at a bar and pretending we're strangers. We actually like to play this game when we're on a plane, too. We play ourselves, only we pretend we don't know each other yet. There's nothing better than meeting each other for the first time all over again, and remembering why you fell for them in the first place.
8. Make Out. Often.
Making out is so underestimated. Think about it this way: You're probably with your partner now because it all started with a kiss, so why would you let making out go now? Don't only think of making out as something that has to lead to sex — try appreciating it on its own, and seeing where that leads.
I could kiss my partner for hours, if only we both had the time. Damn these full time jobs! I guess we'll have to wait for retirement to get that happening.
9. Take Advantage Of Technology
If only I had a penny for every time I sent my partner a sext, I'd be a very, very wealthy woman. Sexting, if you haven't done it yet, is, in one word, fantastic. It's basically the technological version of foreplay, and a perfect way to get both you and your partner in the mood. It's also a great way to liven up your oh-so-long and exhausting work day. Think of it this way: at least you know you can trust them.
10. Watch Porn Together
Contrary to decades-old misinformation, women are watching porn just as much as men, and they're loving it, too. Although we may have different things that turn us on than men do, you can, if you look around, find something that you both enjoy. If visual porn isn't your thing, then written erotica (my personal favorite), is something to definitely give a try.
Try Best Women's Erotica 2015, $30, Amazon
11. Tease Each Other
Teasing is awesome. Whether you do it with facial expressions or in a more hands-on way, it gives fuel to the sexual fire. My teasing of my partner is relentless. I just can't help myself, then when I see that he's getting all hot and bothered about it, I just turn it up a few notches.
12. End Every Argument With Make-Up Sex
Sometimes I think I subconsciously deliberately provoke my partner just so we can have make-up sex. Because even when it's a legitimate argument, like who ate the last slice of pizza, we always make sure to end it in a romp. Hey, if you're going to have a disagreement with your partner, you might as well conclude it with a bang.
13. Play ‘Everything But’
I love this game! As much as I love sex, the game of doing everything but intercourse is a great way to explore other avenues in getting each other off. You may also end up surprising each other, and appreciating intercourse more.
14. Communicate What Feels Good (And What Needs Work)
The most important part of having good sex is communication. If your partner goes down on you and clearly has know idea what they're doing, it's your job to give direction. You absolutely have to share what feels good and what doesn't if you want to get the most out of your sex life. As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, "communication is the best lubrication."
15. Add Sex Toys To The Mix
I write about sex. A lot. Because of this, I'm constantly getting new and exciting toys to try out. Sometimes they fall flat, because seriously, what am I supposed to do with terrifying mask from The Town? But a lot of them make for some experimental fun. It's OK to bring in a little outside help in the form of toys — they really do add to the sexual experience.
Try Trojan Pulse Intimate Massager, $31.99, Amazon
16. Embrace The Magic Of Foreplay
Foreplay is amazing! And the longer you can extend it, the better. While a quickie is fun sometimes, devoting lots and lots of time to the build up to the big finale is really hot. I've always found that the longer the foreplay, the better the actual sex. It makes for one hell of an explosive orgasm.
17. Put Your Pride On The Line
I have, on more than a few occasions, tried to do a striptease — granted, it usually ends up being a disaster. I've yet to take off my underwear with the grace and seduction of a pro, but at least I try. It's hard for me to put myself out there, but even as I stumble in my attempts to be sexy, my partner is still into it.
Even more importantly, it's exciting for me to push myself outside my comfort zone. I'm making an effort, and that's what being in a relationship is all about.
Want more of Bustle’s Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
