There is only one thing I know for certain about my future wedding, the birth any kids I might have, and my funeral: There will be chocolate fountains present at all of them. (Do not test me, hospital regulations.) I need chocolate to function on a normal level the way most humans need coffee, and by virtue of this, I probably have more experience with eating chocolate than you and anyone within a mile radius of you combined. I've tried pretty much every kind of chocolate and chocolate combo imaginable (except, of course, chocolate from the new chocolate 3D printer, which has basically just become my nutritional white whale).
My personal experience with chocolate aside, I've also worked in several bakeries and have an unhealthy amount of insider knowledge regarding chocolate-dipped goods. I'm not saying that I'm the Queen of Chocolate but if people started calling me that...well, I wouldn't stop them. So when I tell you that I can accurately assess your personality based on your favorite chocolate-dipped treat, please believe that I say it with the authority of someone who may or may not have chocolate stains on their shirt at this present moment. (In case it wasn't clear, I have several.) Here is what each of these popular chocolate dipped items say about you:
Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
You are bubbly and enthusiastic, and generally thrive in big group settings. There are very few people in the world with whom you have a bone to pick—everyone is your friend. Unless they've done something to hurt your family, friends, or chocolate stash, in which case, you are ready to fight for their honor.
Chocolate-Covered Cherries
You're a night owl, and like to keep up an air of mystery. It's not because you're doing anything you're ashamed of so much as you just don't think everyone needs to know your business. You are often quiet so people make the mistake of thinking your shy when really you're just keeping your (rather hilarious, if you do say so yourself) inner monologue private.
Chocolate-Covered Oreos
You are bold. You don't shy away from the hurdles life throws at you because you face them like the champion you are. Too much chocolate? No such thing. Same goes for every other challenge that comes your way. Bring it. Bring all of it.
Chocolate-Covered Potato Chips
You're pretty much the life of the party, and you're not exactly sure why. People are just kind of drawn to you like magnets. You notice that whenever drunk people over-share, you're usually the person they're talking to (which is probably for the best, because you do tend to give stellar advice).
Chocolate-Covered Marshmallows
People are occasionally intimidated by you when they first meet you, but once they get to know you, they realize you're just like the gooey marshmallow beneath the chocolate crust: soft and sweet.
Chocolate-Covered Bacon
You usually keep your chill even when everyone else in the room is running around like their hair is on fire. You're in no hurry to get everything you want right this instant because you know that worthwhile goals take effort and time.
Chocolate-Covered Malt Balls
You're the first friend people call whenever they're upset about something, and you always know just what to do or say to make them feel better about it. (It helps that you have the best movie selection of anyone you know.) You're definitely the "parent" of your friend group.
Chocolate-Covered Pretzels
You kind of just collect friends wherever you go. It's probably because you always have a smile to share with a stranger or a kind word to say. Your friends would probably describe you as quirky, but it's what is unique about you that makes them love you so much.
Chocolate-Covered Citrus
You're kind of adorable. Sorry, but it's true. Love it or hate it, people tend to baby you because you just can't help how damn adorable you are. This occasionally works in your favor: You're also a little bit mischievous, so when you cross someone, they never see it coming.
Chocolate-Dipped S'mores
People call you intense, but really, you are just very passionate. You have a clearly defined idea of what you want to do with your life and are very determined to make it happen. That being said, you value your relationships with each and every person you encounter along the way.
Chocolate-Dipped Bananas
You are perfectly fine to go out and rage every now and then, but you're a homebody at heart. You're just as content staying in for the night as you are to follow your pack of friends out on the town. You tend to be an early riser, so you put a lot of value on your sleep. Sleep is BAE to you.
Chocolate-Covered Cheez-Its
You are one of the movers and pushers in this modern world; a true visionary. Nobody lives the mantra "Word Hard, Play Hard" quite as accurately as you do. You might not ever have spare time but you sure as hell make every minute count.
Images: bake.love.give; Giphy (12)
