I would like to start with an open apology to my toes, which are so numb from the cold right now that I'm not entirely sure they're still attached to my feet. I could have put on more appropriate socks but, predictably and quite problematically, I am lazy as all hell—and it's a laziness that is only maximized by the fact that it's winter. Is it just me, or does every activity require easily fifty times more effort that it normally does when it's cold outside? Even dragging my pointer finger down on the iPhone screen to update Twitter has become exhausting enough that I feel like I need to reward myself with a baked good.
It's no secret that most of us prefer summer over winter, especially when you consider the states where the difference between them is so absurdly drastic that your closet cannot handle the girth of your seasonally-required clothes. I would argue that my personality is split into two distinct people: Summer Me—pleasant, hopeful, capable of walking more than one city block without cursing the Norse god of winter—and Winter Me, who is a dead-inside, shell of a person typing this right now while watching actual death plumes of snow fall out of trees outside my window. Even on a day-to-day basis, you live an entirely different life in one season than you do in the other. Here are just a few moments of your day that look completely different depending on what time of year it is:
The Wake Up Call
Summer
Everything is possible and pregnant with untold potential when you wake up to a warm, shining world. The sun is up, your bed is dappled in sunlight, and you're pretty sure if you wiggled your butt, it would make a little chiming noise like Tinkerbell's. "Maybe I'll go on a run!" you think. You stretch your arms up to the high heavens and leap out of bed. "I'm so #blessed."
Winter
"Did I just wake up in a cave? No, wait, this is still my stupid room, which is stupid dark and stupid cold and stupid. Maybe if I hit snooze six more times I'll be a shred less hell-bent on smiting the universe and everything in it, but probably not." When it's bitterly cold outside, the world is not your oyster—it is just an old oyster shell in the parking lot of some chain seafood restaurant in a depressing suburb where you have to go eat dinner with your weird cousins.
Leaving For Work
Summer
You've got this so hard. Leaving for your awesome job, which you are awesome at, you hit the street like you just fell out of an episode of Sex and the City. Your hair soaks up the sun and your flip-flops do that satisfying smack-smack thing on the pavement and you smile at strangers because what the SUN IS SHINING and nothing is bad with the world. Also, you have real shoes in your bag, so you won't be wearing those flip-flops all day, but goddamn, they sure do feel good on this sunny morning walk.
Winter
Like a gremlin sneaking out of its hovel, you emerge from your abode, pausing only to mutter curses about ice patches on the way to your car. What is that lunatic over there smiling about?! He is probably a serial killer. The only solace is the fact that your boots are slammin', but you're dressed in maximum hobo layers of clothing, so it's not like anyone can even tell. You hate your job and your life and nothing short of literally burying yourself in a mountain of bagels while someone inserts an IV of coffee into your arm is going to salvage your spirits at this point. And even then, you would trade it all for being able to go back inside and not speak to other humans.
Breakfast
Summer
"Mmm, I think I'll have something light, like berries and yogurt. Maybe I'll even put cucumbers in my water like I'm a one-woman fancy hotel!"
Winter
"If this guy in front of me in line takes the last chocolate donut, I will eat his parents instead."
When Your Boss Tells You To Run An Errand
Summer
"YES YES YES, I don't even need car keys, I will RUN there. BYE Y'ALL." Any excuse to get out of the office and into the sunshine is fine by you, plus you're boss is amazing and you're totally happy to do whatever little favors she needs from you. It's the least you can do for such an exceptional friend and professional mentor.
Winter
"Fire me. Please. Just fire me. And then let me stay curled into a corner of this warm office until June."
When Someone Instagrams Their Vacation Photos
Summer
You flick through them with mild interest, because even though you can't afford to go anywhere right now, the whole damn world is your holiday right now.
Winter
*Unfollow*
Lunch
Summer
"I can't believe how much money I'm saving by eating this healthy lunch I brought from home and reading my book on this idyllic park bench. My life is so rom-com worthy."
Winter
"Is someone ordering delivery for lunch? I don't even care what it is, just put extra cheese on mine. No, don't speak actual words to me when it gets here, just leave it outside my door."
When You See Your Face In The Bathroom Mirror
Summer
"Wow, all that eating outside and running has given me such a bronzed glow." You scrunch your adorable little sun-kissed nose, and maybe even blow Mirror You a flirty little kiss on the way back into the office, just cuz.
Winter
"It's a ghost! It's a marshmallow! No, it's...me! It's me! ARGagmfgmdofg." Plus, your skin is so dry that it's basically falling off, and it's a good thing you never smile anymore because if you did, your chapped lips would pretty much just start bleeding.
When Your Co-Worker Compliments Your Outfit
Summer
"Oh gosh, thanks! This is my favorite dress!"
Winter
"NOBODY ASKED YOU, PATRICE!"
The 3PM Slump
Summer
"Whoa, I need some Starbucks right now."
Winter
"Whoa, I need some Starbucks right now."
Leaving Work
Summer
You take a deep breath of that summery air and bask in the sunshine like you're in a Garnier Fructis commercial. "I have so much of my day left to live! Who knows what I'll accomplish in the next five hours of daylight!!"
Winter
Doom, gloom, darkness. "Only forty-six and a half minutes of commuting before I can take off my pants and get back in bed forever."
When Friends Ask You To Hang Out
Summer
"YES, let's go right now and eat outside and get weekday drunk on a patio! I'm on my way!"
Winter
"I'm sorry, who is this? I think you have the wrong number." *pulls blanket back over head*
When You Go To Bed
Summer
"What a lovely day. Maybe I'll go to bed early so I can set my alarm clock to watch the sunrise."
Winter
"Are you there, Netflix? It's me, [Insert Your Name Here]."
Images: Fotolia; Wifflegiff (6)
