It is justifiable when you are sitting with your butt sweat-soaked to your car seat and your last nerve shredded into nonexistence to wonder whether you live in one of the cities with the most traffic, because let's be real: Traffic misery is a competition and deep down inside us we all just long to be smug about how much gas we've wasted. But all joking aside, the struggle is real in a lot of cities. Every now and then, when I'm holding a civil conversation with a human being, I'll pause and have a millisecond-long blackout as I remember the Dark Times back in the olden days, when I made a living making deliveries, occasionally ones that went from Northern Virginia into Washington, D.C. Picture in your mind for a moment what a stereotypical cupcake delivery girl looks like: Perky, happy, probably wearing pastels. What you probably didn't imagine was five feet and four inches of pure, hot rage screaming the filthiest things imaginable out an open car window while attempting to shift four lanes into halted traffic on the Key Bridge, parking illegally and running up two flights of stairs with an armful of dessert, and then running back while cursing the ancestors of the parking meter guy ticketing her across the street, but sure enough, last year, that was me. Traffic brings out the darkness in anyone, is my point.
And the thing is, I'm pretty pathetic. As utterly horrifying as D.C. traffic is (I once got stuck on Constitution Ave for so long and had to pee so damn badly that I swear I started seeing colors that were not in the rainbow spectrum), we barely skim the top ten. Behold the top ten U.S. cities that have more right to complain about traffic, starting with me and my big baby traffic woes:
10. Washington, D.C.
EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
9. Boston, Massachussetts
8. Seattle, Washington
As a person who has lived in Seattle and right outside of D.C., I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS, but whatever, traffic research people. You do you.
7. San Jose, California
6. Bridgeport, Connecticut
Otherwise known as the traffic underdog. Who knew? (Probably people in Bridgeport).
5. New York, New York
WHO IS ACTUALLY DRIVING THERE? I'm concerned for you. Please seek help.
4. Austin, Texas
3. San Francisco, California
2. Honolulu, Hawaii
PLOT TWIST. Apparently there is traffic in paradise.
1. Los Angeles, California
And thank god for this, or else we'd never have this hilarious video of a woman who does celebrity impressions in L.A. traffic.
Didn't see your city on here? First, I hate you. My life is worse than yours (at least traffic wise). God, it feels so good to be smug. Didn't see your city on this list? You can still see where your city stacks up here.
Images: Getty Images; Bridgeport/Wikimedia
