Life

15 Funny Christmas Quotes to Up Your Holiday Cheer

by Chelsey Grasso

Despite their reputation for spreading peace, joy, and happiness, the holidays can still get stressful amongst all of the festivities. Ceaseless shopping lists, chaotic travel plans, and never ending engagements inevitably take their toll on Christmas cheer — which is where these funny Christmas quotes come into play. In an effort to counteract any and all negative feelings that are putting a damper on your holiday spirit, I've pulled together a collection of 15 hilarious holiday sayings to get you feeling just as jolly as Santa's belly. Don't worry, you'll forget about your credit card bill and be laughing in no time.

People aren't perfect, and neither are the holidays... however, that doesn't mean that you can't find humor in any situation. Learning to let loose and laugh a little is a true salvation during the month of December. With parties dedicated to wearing ugly Christmas sweaters and men dressed up as Mr. Claus himself, it's hard to imagine the month of December without a small grin and chuckle. So forget being fussy, and try to simply take it all in for what it is. Christmas can drain your wallet, your energy, and your availability, but don't let it drain your sense of humor.

1. "There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?" — Conan O'Brien

2. "I hate the radio this time of year because they play 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' like, every other song. And that's just not enough." — Bridger Winegar

3. "Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year." — Victor Borge

4. "Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard." — Andy Borowitz

5. "There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." — Bob Phillips

6. "A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day." — Melanie White

7. "Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." — Johnny Carson

8. "The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes." — Julius Sharpe

9. "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases." — Bridger Winegar

10. "There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." — P.J. O'Rourke

11. "The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our 'top of the food chain' claim is invalid." — Linda in Disguise

12. "That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." — Jerry Seinfeld

13. "The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: 'Some assembly required.'" — John Leo

14. "Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help." — Andy Borowitz

15. "Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account." — Melanie White

Images: Grinch/Warner Bros; Giphy (15)