I feel like nobody ever watched Jaws for the first time on purpose. Either a parent forgot how totally frightening it can be for a child or you flipped through the channels (an ancient practice from the bleak, bleak times before DVR) and suddenly heard that duhhh duh. Duhhh duh. DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHDUHDHDHDH!! And then, you know, that shark happened. Some years have passed now since we all had our life-scarring first viewing of that classic film, which has given us just enough time to heal for our viewing of the unofficial, far-more-terrifying sequel: this video of a cat who genuinely hates human beings.
The cat's name is Finnegan, but his owner calls him Fin (the video is literally called "Attack of the Fin"), which only further validates my theory that this belongs in the Jaws universe. I would say that his owner Lauren was poor and unsuspecting, but in reality, she is poor and very suspecting; She knows exactly what kind of merciless cat attack is coming her way courtesy of Fin. Maybe he has confused "Come here, Fin!" with "Attack and destroy all members of the human race, Fin!" I dunno, they're kind of phonetically similar, it could be a thing.
Judging by the malice of his hatred for humans, I'm guessing that forging friendships with any member of our species is too late for him. Perhaps he can find solace in other cats, like Grumpy Cat or even the cat who looks eerily like Stalin. But you know what? No, even as I typed that, it seemed like a terrible idea. That would be a perfect recipe for kitty domination and if the results of Hello Kitty Con are any indication of what that would be like, I don't know if that's a world I am ready to live in.
Watch "Attack of the Fin" below and decide for yourself:
Image: YouTube
