Life
Why Being Gross Is Good For Your Relationship
There are lots of important things a couple should have in their relationship: Open communication, trust, laughter, and the ability to be absolutely disgusting around each other. A lot of people (prudes and lame-o's) will try to be their best, least disgusting self in front of someone they're dating. These are usually the people who support the idea of "keeping the mystery", to which I say, "Hey, watch me fit this entire cheeseburger in my mouth in one bite!" because who the hell wants to have a mysterious relationship? Last time I checked, mystery was the thing that was making us all paranoid and anxious in relationships. I believe a solid foundation for a lasting relationship is the exact opposite of mystery: It's knowledge, acceptance, and celebration of exactly who each other is, even the gross bits.
Not that I'm perfect at this. I've been guilty of making out like my ass shoots out rose petals. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I still suck in farts in front of him so he won't hear or smell them. In my defense, it's because sometimes my farts smell like sun-baked roadkill fell out of my ass, and it's in everyone's best interest that smell is never revealed to the world. Road kill farts aside, the man has seen me sick, bloated, belching and eating my weight in pizza with my pants off and one hand down the front of my knickers on a Sunday night. And he still loves me. There's merit in being able to be disgusting in a relationship, and I think that in the end, if the roadkill farts don't kill you (literally), they can only make you stronger.
1. If you can love each other at your worst, you sure as hell deserve each other at your best
See what I did there? That's a Marilyn Monroe quote in reverse. No one wants a fair weather partnership. The reason you are with someone in the first place is because they are fabulous, and they're with you for the same reason. But we're all human, and fabulosity can only carry you to a certain point. After that point, there's gas, toe nail gunk, and sleep drool to contend with. When you commit to loving someone, you commit to loving all of them, from their sexiest "James Bond at a fancy restaurant" self, to their sexiest "pizza grease dripping down their chin and onto their sweats" self.
2. Everyone loves the smell of their own farts (and those of their significant other)
Admit it: you secretly love all the gross crap your body does. You're an downright LIAR if you don't ADORE squeezing an in-grown hair and having it spew out a universe worth of debris. When you're in a relationship, you get twice the amount of in-growns just bursting with so much stuff you don't even know how it fit in there (yours and theirs). It's not just about being able to love someone in spite of the disgusting and gross things on/about them, it's about loving them because of it.
3. There are literally no surprises
Like I said, mystery is a killer. If you know all the gross things someone is capable of then you really know the person, don't you? How would it be to go through life thinking your S.O.'s shit doesn't stank only to one day find out it does, in fact, smell quite pungent. It also means that when gross stuff comes up in sexy moments (for instance, a queef or an actual bum fart during sex), there's no "what the fuck?" moment, just a mutual giggle and getting on with it, because you already know that stuff is part of the human repertoire.
4. It's all kind of hilarious
Name one thing about farting that isn't hilarious. See, you can't do it. The best thing about being gross with your S.O. is that you get to laugh about it, and alongside communication and trust, I'm pretty sure I already listed laughter as one of the main components of a sexual relationship. If you have someone you can crack up with about absurd bodily function, then you, my friend, have hit the absolute relationship jackpot.
