"Baby One More Time" Lied About High School

I was 8 years old when Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" first came out in 1998. High school was like a distant memory of a far off dream and certainly nothing that I, as a second grader, needed to worry about. Since this was before Mean Girls came out in 2004, I wasn't worried about my high school future. And after "Baby One More Time" came out, how could I be worried about my future? In the music video that cemented Spears as a pop cultural staple, she made high school look awesome. In only six short years, I, too, could have a dance party in the hallways with all of my friends and a teacher. Or...not, because "Baby One More Time" totally lied to us about what it's like to be a teenager.

Granted, we really shouldn't be taking our real life lessons from everything we see on TV or that newfangled thing called the Internet. Not everything is Boy Meets World. Not everything is actually trying to teach us moral lessons. However, that doesn't change the fact that an impressionable 8-year-old got her heart broken when she eventually made it to high school and discovered that life was not a Britney Spears music video. So as a warning to the next generation, here are 13 lies "Baby One More Time" told us about high school.

1. You can wear heels in Catholic school.

My Catholic school had rules about how many inches high our heels could be and, quite honestly, preferred we wear flat Mary Janes. Spears' shoes are past the acceptable heel height.

2. Your teacher will stop teaching.

It came as a horrific revelation that teachers don't all just stop talking when they realize it's almost time for school to be over. As anyone who has ever been in high school can tell you, they usually talk more in an effort to fit more knowledge (and thus more homework) into your life.

3. You'll get to leave class at exactly 3 p.m.

Remember what I said about teachers talking more the closer it is to 3 p.m.? Yeah, that usually means that you get out five minutes past three — if you're lucky. Many teachers won't even notice what time it is or, worse, will attempt to yell homework instructions at you over the bell. (As a side note, my school didn't even have a bell.)

4. Your uniform can be pretty...risqué.

I probably don't even need to point this one out, but if your school has a uniform then that means you're not allowed to unbutton it and tie it up to bare your stomach and bra. In fact, you're probably not allowed to do that even if your school doesn't have a uniform. I won't even comment on the skirt length.

5. You'll get your locker open on the first try.

I understood that everyone doing it at the same time was music video magic, but no one told me that it actually takes somewhere between two and four tries to get your high school locker open. Even if you get your combo right, many of them are old and thus get stuck. Fighting with your locker often makes you late every morning — and that's if someone isn't in your way.

6. You'll keep your uniform in your locker.

People don't keep their uniforms in their lockers. I mean, first of all, they have to take them home and wash them. Second of all, if they were just trading out their clothes to go to the gym class later in the video, they'd probably do that in a locker room — not in the middle of the very public hallway.

7. High school boys will dance with you in public.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but most high school boys don't dance. Thankfully, it's not as bad as in middle school where the girls stayed on one side of the school dance and the boys stayed on the other side of the school dance, but the fact still remains that getting even one boy to dance with you (in a public school hallway) would be just as impressive as getting all of them to do it.

8. The gym will create a light show for you.

Admittedly, even at 8 years old, it seemed strange to me that they would let Spears and her friends dance around in a gym when the lights were flickering on and off and sending sparks all over the place. Yeah, that's just for music-video effect. If there's an electrical outage in your gymnasium, they'll just move the class/practice outside rather than endanger the students for a cool light show.

9. Guys in high school look like this.

Even if there is an Aaron Samuels walking around at your school, he won't have such clear skin and/or be that buff. High school guys are average-looking at best because we're all growing into our bodies during those years. There will be that one hot guy, sure, but he'll already have a girlfriend.

10. Your gym uniform will look like this.

For those of us without a flat stomach, you can rest assured that if your high school has a uniform then they also have a gym uniform that will cover every part of you but your lower arms and legs. Midriff-baring tops will be a huge no-no, abs or no abs.

11. Britney Spears has alone time.

Have you seen Spears? She is, looks-wise, the Regina George of that high school. If she can get everyone in school to dance in the hallways with her, there's no way she'd ever be sitting by herself. Ever. She'd have a girl posse with her at all times, no exceptions.

12. You'll have that one cool teacher.

I should have expected this from the same woman who stopped teaching at 3 p.m. If your teacher walks into the gym to see a bunch of scantily clad children gyrating beneath flickering lights, she's more likely to hand out detentions and usher everyone out than she is to start dancing with them, okay?

13. You'll have time to daydream.

Yeah, sure, okay. If you want to flunk out of school, go ahead. Otherwise, you'd best start taking notes because school is almost over and your teacher is probably telling you five things that will be on a pop quiz tomorrow.

Image: YouTube (15)