It’s Black Friday, so guess what I’m doing? If you answered “not shopping because Reddit’s worst Black Friday experiences have made you promise never to buy anything ever again,” congratulations! You are absolutely right. You don’t win anything for it, but hey, at least you and I have similar philosophies about the awfulness of the day. We should start a club. Or something.
In… well, I don’t really want to say “honor of the occasion”; Black Friday is probably the last thing on the planet that should “honored.” Maybe “in memoriam” is a better choice of words. In any event, though, prompted by the insanity that’s going on at retail stores nationwide right this very minute, two threads have appeared on AskReddit soliciting Black Friday horror stories from those who have gotten through it in previous years and survived. One of them, submitted by nickle54, specifically asks retail workers about the most extreme things they’ve seen during Black Friday sales; meanwhile, the other, submitted by imtrash62, opens the question up to the general public. And all of the answers? Are awful. In fact, they’re beyond awful. I don’t even know how things like this happen. It’s like Black Friday is an evil wizard that causes all humans to turn into monsters — except there is no evil wizard. We have no one to blame for it but ourselves.
You know what’s even more horrifying than the written word, though? Videos. And not just any videos — videos of what went down during Black Friday today . The Daily Dot has assembled a whole bunch of YouTube and Vine videos depicting what happened just a few hours ago, and, well… I hate people, you guys. I hate them so much.
Brace yourselves. Things are about to get messy.
1. Mob Mentality
The whole thing is bad enough — but then just dropping whatever the hell they were so rabid over the moment before on the floor when they realized it wasn’t a “hot item?” What is wrong with people?!
2. Furby Madness, Part I
Furbies feature prominently in a number of stories; this one highlights exactly what’s wrong with how we treat retail employees. I mean, how do you justify breaking two of someone’s fingers just to get a hold of a damn toy?
The kicker, though, is this:
3. Furby Madness, Part II
Two weeks later, and you’re tossing the thing in the trash anyway. Facepalm.
But we’re not done with the horrors Furby hath wrought yet. There’s also this:
4. Furby Madness, Part III
This one is massive, so I’ve only included an excerpt of it here; click through to read the rest of it. Suffice to say that it will almost certainly cause you to lose faith in all of humanity. It’s just that awful.
5. Fraud Alert
…I have no words.
6. Home Wrecker
Black Friday: Ruining otherwise perfectly healthy relationships since whenever the hell the evilest being in history decided it should be a thing.
7. At Least There Was Pie
Do people not understand that it is illegal to do things like this?
8. Worst. Parents. Ever.
There’s a special place in whatever netherworld you believe in for people who would do this to a tiny, irreplaceable human being for the sake of a mass-produced item they probably don’t even need.
9. So Much Violence
I can’t even.
10. ?!?!?!?!
Another Redditor asked in response, “Is that not attempted murder?” This is a valid question.
11. It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin
I wonder how many retail workers quit after horrific Black Friday experiences…
12. What? Just… What?!
People are monsters.
Images: Giphy; Wiffle Gif; Gifrific
