Who The HECK Was That Spy on 'State of Affairs'?

Happy Thanksgiving week, everyone! Katherine Heigl, erm I mean, Charlie Tucker sure found herself a great way to make this holiday as awkward as possible: by enjoying a trough of stuffing with the mother or her deceased fiance/ boss/ the most powerful woman in the world. In just a few short hours, Alfre Woodward will ask Katherine Heigl to sink a Russian tanker, with a spy whom Charlie and the briefers are misguidedly trying to save. Who is Russian spy in State of Affairs this week? I can't keep his allegiances (or the plot of this show) straight in any form.

WHEW! Pass the vodka, please! Me and Katherine Heigl's ponytail both need shots now. Like, now now.

It sound like this man's name is Ayitolli, or Ayatollah, but it definitely begins with an A. I think. I can confirm that, unlike that dubious ambassador last week, this Russian guy in a submarine does not share his name with any soul legends called Chaka Khan.

Oh yeah, and the anonymous texter is back for another week of subterfuge! This time, the slippery prankster has a photo. A PHOTO! So incriminating. Perhaps, not so incriminating as the completely incongruous office attire Charlie is rocking to brief the president on that tanker lost in the Bering sea. That berry-colored sheath. Those pearls. Those earrings. That UNGODLY bun. She'd look more at home on a couch next to Andy Cohen at a Real Housewives Reunion than on a couch in the Oval Office. There's Millionaire's Club mixer immediately after work, and she did't have time to run home to change, obviously.

Turns out that Tucker might just totally miss the mixer, 'cause she got held up at convincing a (maybe evil? maybe not?)Russian spy to sink a tanker with all of America's secrets. Guess my bad feeling was slightly off base, but who can blame me? This show is so freakin' confusing that anyone could be the next international terrorist. Well, I guess this guys a hero. NO JK! He was a spy all along, and Tucker was just pretending to be a softy... Can't get anything by this sharp tack and her totally unnecessary cat-eye makeup. Let the Lana Del Rey play, 'cause these are the harsh and haunting realities of the world! GAHH!

Image: NBC (2)