Entertainment

The Stages of Hearing "All I Want For Christmas"

by Kristie Rohwedder

Dec. 1, 2014

Handout/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

In 1994, Mariah Carey released holiday album Merry Christmas , and the world would never be as it once was. For that album includes a song that is not just one of the elusive chanteuse's greatest songs of all time, but one of the greatest Christmas songs of all time. (If anyone wants to fight me on that, let's go. We'll hash this out. I’m game.) That's right, Mimi dropped “All I Want For Christmas Is You” a whopping two decades ago. That means humans have experienced “All I Want For Christmas Is You” 20 holiday seasons in a row.

I love the song. I really, really do. But hot diggity dog, it seems like "All I Want For Christmas" is never not playing during the holiday season. On more than one occasion, I've caught myself reaching for the radio dial to change the station so I could hear anything else at that moment. (I never go through with it, but the impulse is there.)

Do you identify with any of the following?

Having ears
Not hibernating in the months of November and December

…If you answered “YES” to any of the above, then you are familiar with the 24 stages of hearing “All I Want For Christmas” on repeat every year.

Stage 1: "It's the song's maiden voyage of the year!"

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA IT'S BAAAAACK!!!!!

Stage 2: The first "BA-DUM BA-DUM" of the season

Gives you chills.

Stage 3: “Is it too early for Christmas music? Who cares! Mimiiiiii!!!!”

You could totally listen to this song 365 days a year.

Stage 4: “Oh, it’s so good. I can't wait to hear it again”

You like "Wonderful Christmastime" just fine, but you can't help but miss "All I Want For Christmas" when it's not playing.

Stage 5: "F it. I wish the DJ would play it on repeat"

You cannot get enough.

Stage 6: "OK, fine. It's probably for the best the radio station plays other Xmas music"

It's important to maintain a well-rounded Xmas music diet.

Stage 7: "Hooray! It's back!"

You light up when those twinkling opening notes grace your ears.

Stage 8: "I'm so happy that it plays multiple times an hour"

No such thing as "too much 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'."

Stage 9: "I really don't need any other Xmas song"

So much for that well-rounded Xmas music diet.

Stage 10: "Hold up. What is this Justin Bieber version?"

Well, then.

Stage 11: "Yep. Still having a good time"

You've stopped counting how many times "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has emitted from the speakers of your car stereo.

Stage 12: "Still enjoying it. What's that? You Don't believe me?"

You will. Not. Get. Annoyed. With. The. Song.

Stage 13: "Oh. Huh. There it is again"

You no longer smile when those twinkling opening notes grace your ears.

Stage 14: “I'm pretty sure I've heard this 750 times in one week”

You've convinced yourself the DJ is trying to drive you crazy.

Stage 15: “Even when I turn the radio off, I can’t get the song out of my head”

Can't... escape... the Mimi.

Stage 16: "It's everywhere"

It's playing on the radio. It's playing at the mall. It's playing at your work's holiday party. It's playing in your head. I is he is you are Mimi and we are all connected to "All I Want For Christmas Is You".