How Should the 'AYTO?' Cast Really Match Up?

Oh, Are You The One?... to have such a fail-proof method of matching up young pretty-somethings, you sure have managed to find a group of people who seem to all hate each other; except for the ones that love each other who are ripped apart by the cruel hands of MTV Fate telling them they're not meant to be. They seem to need some help sorting themselves out, so I'm going to do my best to pair off the Are You The One? cast into their perfect matches.

But truly, I kind of love how terrible this group of people is at this game. You'd think they might realize this is a numbers game, and all you really have to do is keep track of who's been paired up with who and when and how many lights lit up on that night, plus who seems like a natural match, in addition to who has been confirmed not a match in the Truth Booth, and then compare notes.... But the cast just can't seem to get those simple facts straight. They've had two Blackout Match-Up Ceremonies, which were sort of hilarious. And it's even more hilarious when the pairs who are confirmed they're not matches think it's the end of the world.

To really figure the correct 10 pairings out in advance of the final episode, you'd have to be a serious mathematician, and while I think I have the show figured out, a stats whiz I am not. But I do know a little something about reality TV editing, and I have been, y'know, watching the show, so here are my predictions for the final match-ups according to the Match-Up ceremonies we've seen so far.

Confirmed

Just getting it out of the way that, seven episodes in, Paris + Pratt, Shelby + Curtis, and Jenni + John are the only three confirmed couples.

After last week's semi-successful ceremony

So other than those three confirmed couples, there were three other correctly paired couples at the last Match-Up ceremony. After looking at who those people have been paired with in less successful ceremonies, I predict that these were the other three correct couples:

Jasmine + Alex: These two have never seemed like a match on paper, but they're certainly attracted to each other, and when you're on an MTV reality show, that's all it really takes.

Briana + Anthony: These two are so far from each other, it's got to be right. If Briana hadn't gotten so hung up on Curtis so early on, she might have been able to be interested in Anthony.... Goodness knows he seems to be interested in everyone there.

Tyler + Brandon: Well, this is just hilarious, because anyone who has to be paired with Brandon has earned every bit of her small fraction of $1 million. Tyler has correctly figured out that his only two possible matches left are Briana or Tyler, and my money is on Tyler.... Good luck, ladies.

And the rest

Jessica + Dario: This is a match that makes more sense on paper than most, but Jessica "All Heart" Andreatta probably doesn't care about that.

Ellie + Nathan: Listen, I think Nathan seems like a nice enough guy, and I just want good things for Ellie. She seems ready to keep things strictly physical (and hypothetical) with Ant, so hopefully she can take some time, do some math and Excel Spreadsheeting, and set herself up with Nathan.

Ashley + Layton: Speaking of nice guys: Layton. Just kidding, he seems like anything but. However, I'm pretty sure he's Ashley's real deal match.

Alex + Garland: These two wild cards must be meant to be. Partly because they're all I'm left with, but also because these two seem like they could form that couple who seems cute on the outside, but are actually secretly toxic and will still never let each other go. Good luck, you two!

Oh, and Christina...

Oh, yeah. Christina. I just can't place the 11th woman anywhere, and I think if they really want to get this right, they should start sitting her out all the time, but if I must guess her perfect match... Garland? Or Dario? Maybe Nathan? I don't know, Christina throws off all of my calculations.

Images: MTV