My husband, Olivier, is 11 years older than me. This is actually the first time in my life I’ve been in a relationship with someone older than me by more than a year or two. Because I'm somewhat obsessed with youth and fear the aging process, to have been with someone 11 years older than me in my 20s would have been completely unheard of. I mean, that’s old. Even now I think of Olivier as old, not because of how he acts that way — maturity isn't exactly his strong suit — but because he's in late 40s which means he's going to be 50 soon, and, in my mind, that's practically 80. (I never claimed to be rational.)
Even with just 11 years between us, we still get comments about our age difference. I feel like maybe it's payback for all the teasing I did to the few friends I've had who dated someone with a pretty hefty age difference between them and their partner, only to realize now that the difference between my 30-year-old friend Cortney dating a 19-year-old a few years ago is the same difference that Olivier and I share. (I also never claimed to be very good at math.)
While it was cute at first to be teased about our age difference, I'm pretty over it by now. If you and your partner have a significant age difference, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Here are 11 things you're also probably tired of hearing.
SO ... WHEN YOU WERE SEVEN, THEY WERE 18! WEIRD.
No matter what the age difference, someone is going to do the math and compare it to when you were child to whatever age they were when you were that child. We're all perverts deep down, I suppose, but why bring statutory rape allusions into it?
BUT IF YOU HAVE A BABY, YOUR PARTNER WILL BE REALLY OLD
Well, maybe. But lots of people have babies later in life these days, so whatever. Also, who says I want babies?
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY'LL PROBABLY DIE BEFORE YOU?
Morbid much? But technically, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and that will be the end of that. Who I'm going to spend my life with is more my concern.
DO BALLS SAG WITH AGE?
I wish I could say this was a joke, but I've actually been asked this once, and the person doing the asking was very serious. While I'm sure this will happen eventually, right now, things seem to be where they're supposed to be. Thanks for asking!
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING in COMMON?
I imagine this might be tricky for someone who's dating a person 30 years older than them, but once you reach adulthood, it's easy to have things in common, even if the age difference is big. Plus, it's not like people sit around talking about Millennials moving in with their parents and texting. Generational subjects only go so far.
do you have DADDY/mommy ISSUEs?
Seriously? Dating someone older isn't always indicative of other issues. Sometimes, you just end up with someone who happens to be older. Do you have sibling issues because you're with someone the same age as you?
CAN YOU FEEL THE AGE DIFFERENCE?
In my case, Olivier has been married before and has an offspring to go with that failed marriage. That aside, I never really feel the age difference. As I said, maturity just really isn't his thing.
THEY MUST HAVE MONEY
Contrary to stereotypes, not all people date someone older just because they have money. Of course, some do, but I can guarantee that I'm not one of them. If anything, I'm the breadwinner in this relationship.
HOW DO YOUR PARENTS FEEL about it?
If an adult is dating another adult, no matter their age gap, I think a parent's opinion on the matter really shouldn't be an issue. Also, they're glad I'm with someone who gets me.
IT'S PROBABLY JUST A PHASE
It's so much easier for people who don't understand something to dismiss it as a phase, to which I always want to childishly ask, "Is your face a phase?"
ARE YOU CONCERNED THAT THEY'LL LEAVE YOU FOR SOMEONE YOUNGER WHEN YOU GET OLD?
I don't know. Are you afraid your partner is going to dump you for someone younger when you get old? Seems like this would be even less likely to happen to me — but either way, it's certainly not something I'm going to waste time worrying about.
