Every Christmas I see those darling ornaments at Hallmark stores, like "Baby's First Christmas" with a little cradle on them, or "Our First Christmas" with a cutesy little engagement ring carved on it. But the ornament market is missing a much more important milestone in our lives by not providing us a "My First Drunk Christmas" ornament, to celebrate that first holiday season after you turn 21 and you are official to drink and all bets are finally off at holiday parties. As a person now several years past that mark, I have enjoyed enough of these splendid seasons to know firsthand that the holidays are a perfect time to booze it up.
I'm not saying we should all go bonkers and get crazy drunk every night (for the record, I'm also not saying we shouldn't do exactly that), but there's no point in putting a damper on the fun by guilting ourselves. The holidays only happen once a year, so if there is ever a time to let loose and pretend that calories in alcohol aren't real, why not do it when you are surrounded by the people you love and, more importantly, delicious holiday food? So kick back, relax, and let your flannel Christmas pajamas pick up the slack. And if my heartfelt plea isn't enough to stave off your hesitation, then consider a multitude of other reasons why drinking more during the holidays is legit:
Any And Every Warm Drink Can Be Improved By Alcohol
I discovered this the most delicious way possible with hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps last Christmas, but just imagine what you could do with a little alcohol in a Starbucks drink. Or go the classy, less-likely-to-get-arrested-for-boozing-in-public route and mix a tried and true recipe at home.
You Get Markedly More Confident About Singing Christmas Carols
♫ All I want for Christmas is booze. ♫
You Can Figure Out What To Get Your Secret Santa
Ply them with alcohol and they'll reveal their not-so-secret Wu-Tang obsession that never went away, and voilà! Gift-giving superiority is YOURS.
...And Also More Easily Pretend To Be Thrilled About Lackluster Presents
Hell, maybe tipsy-you is kind of excited to own a bath soap called "Monkey Farts."
It's Free
People are literally just giving you alcohol all season long. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth—drink everything before the gift horse even knows you're there.
Santa Clearly Does It Too
Say what you want, Santa, but that is not the kind of gut you get just from eating cookies.
Your Toesies Are Cold
The weather outside is literally frightful. Yesterday I shoved my cold, bare hands into my shoes waiting for the walk signal at a crosswalk. The struggle is getting real, and the alcohol will keep you warm.
It Doesn't Matter If You Stain Your Ugly Sweater
In fact, if you slosh some red wine on that ambiguous plush animal decal odds are it'll only push you up further in the race for winning the Ugly Sweater Contest, aka the honor of all holiday honors.
How Else Will You Deal With [Insert Nosy Relative Here]'s Questions About Your [Insert Sensitive Topic About Your General Life Direction And Goals]?
Wine won't make the questions go away, but the happy, bubbly feeling it gives you WILL make you significantly less likely to say snarky things like, "I don't know, Grandma, I was planning on buying a fish tank and dying alone."
You Finally Get To Know Your Real Co-Workers
You know your co-workers—but do you know your tipsy co-workers? 'Tis the season to make new friends, and some of them have been sitting quietly at a cubicle two floors below you the whole time. If it stays just classy enough, then office parties bring out the party in everybody.
The Punch Bowl Is Under The Mistletoe
Or at least it is if your host is as nefarious a party planner as I am.
Wine Is Significantly Easier To Gift Wrap
And the best gifts of all are the ones that you can share!
Holiday Booze Themes > Any Other Booze Themes
Think of all the possibilities! Thanksgiving-themed cocktails, Frozen-themed mixed drinks (how has nobody made a "Let It Go Mojito" or "For The First Time In Four Loko Ever" drink yet?), Christmas carol themed boozy hot chocolates. GAME ON.
You'll Save Money On Your Rudolph Costume
Cuz your nose is already as red as a traffic light.
You Can Make A Beer-mas Tree
What? I didn't say all of these reasons were classy ones.
This Is What New Year's Resolutions Are For
What on earth would be the fun in turning over a new leaf if you didn't enjoy the leaf that you had in the first place??
Let's Be Real, You're Not Going Anywhere
It's always important to have a designated driver. But the beauty of the holidays you don't need to be anywhere else—everybody you love is already right there. So raise a glass and find your PJs and have some holiday sleepover memories that'll last a lifetime.
Images: NBC; Giphy(10); Wifflegiff(16); super_chat/Instagram
