What would Sherlock say about Benedict's Big News?

The Internet is still, thankfully, working despite the recent news of everyone’s favorite freakishly British-named, curly haired actor. Actually members of the Cumbercollective — and the rest of Tumblr, really — are extremely happy for Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter’s engagement and their very normal, down low announcement in the Times of London newspaper. I agree that it’s sweet and his fans' excitment says so much about Cumberbatch's relationship with them. You can’t help but feel pleased for The Hobbit actor, who has been really open about his desire to marry and to start a family soon.

So, as we settle into this new world where Cumberbatch and his actress/director fiancée can now begin wedding planning with cake tastings and dress fittings, I can’t help but harken to that excellent episode of Sherlock where Cumberbatch, as the high functioning socio-path he is, helps Mary and Watson plan their wedding and delivers a sentimental, albeit, logical best man's speech. It seems fitting seeing as, despite loving Cumberbatch to bits, we would want to see him settled and happy in the same way Sherlock would want John to be. And we can suppose that Sherlock would undoubtedly say the same things to his own real life counterpart. So let's imagine this in Smaug's voice, shall we?

I’m afraid, [Benedict], I can’t congratulate you. All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world ...Today we honour the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time — one feels certain — our entire species.

But thank you for the meal and the plus one at least?

If I burden myself with a little help-mate during my adventures, it is not out of sentiment or caprice — it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast [Benedict] so selflessly provides.

Here, I'm sure Sherlock just means Cumberbatch is an excellent actor. I know he wouldn't be so logical and semi-cold-hearted when it comes to his own wedding.

It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel. The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet.

I am dismissive of the virtuous. Unaware of the beautiful. And uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend ... Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But, as I’m apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion.

By which I can only assume fictional TV Sherlock means, "Hey, thanks for playing me, buddy."

[Sophie], when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. [Benedict], you have endured war, and injury, and tragic loss

This sort of works as we can consider Cumberbatch's films which do have "war, injury, tragic loss."

So know this: Today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. We will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

You can watch the real speech here and relive all of the feels, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are really happy for Benedict and Sophie. Even Sherlock is.

Images: Giphy (3); Gifsy/Tumblr