The other day I got this totally kickass neon pink chapstick. Then I opened it up only to realize it smells exactly like those horrid creamsicle suckers Lifesavers was trying to push, and failed hard at, a few years back. Later in the day I got in a cab, three strangers shoved in the back seat, only to realize the guy to my right was totally wearing my eighth-grade boyfriend's favorite cologne (here's to hoping he's still not wearing it). So I guess they really aren't kidding when they say scent is that little reminder (good or bad) of pretty much every single thing that's ever happened in your life. And yes, it will stick with you forever. I'm going to take the time to rank the eighth-grade boyfriend as the good in this equation, creamsicles as the bad.
While we might not be able to time travel (yet), our noses do it each and every day. So as an ode to the superpower you didn't even realize you possessed, here is a definitive ranking of 99 smells. I'm warning you now that this list is going to make you feel all of the feelings, from why the eff does stale beer smell so disgusting to why do I want to bathe in Sensual Amber RIGHT NOW.
99. Rest stop bathroom
Trust me, this list gets better.
98. Department store perfume section
97. Burning hair
96. Someone else's B.O.
95. Cigarettes
94. Fish flakes
93. Your garbage can in the summer
92. Kitty litter
91. Someone else's bad breath
90. A fish market
89. Spoiled milk
88. The petting zoo
87. A fart in a public place that isn't yours
86. Antiseptic wipes
Takes me back to the seconds before getting a shot at the pediatrician's office (*shudders*).
85. Stale beer
Generally found the morning after all over the bar floor.
84. Sponges
83. Your grandparents’ basement (or any basement in the '90s)
Very nostalgic, equally nasty.
82. Pine-Sol
81. Robitussin
80. Hard-boiled eggs
Whatever, I still eat them.
79. The New York City subway system
78. Your own B.O.
Speaking of eggs.
77. Airplane air smell
76. Antique stores
Like your grandparents' basement, but with more smelly wood and weird clocks in it.
75. Money
Dirt.
74. Skunk
Wait, or is that weed?
73. Dirty socks
72. Wet dog
(aka Fritos)
71. Halloween masks
70. AVON Skin So Soft
69. Chlorine
68. Halal carts
~Spicy~
67. Cold Stone Creamery
I hate this place. With a passion.
66. Burnt, charred popcorn
I can actually taste this right now.
65. New car smell
64. Melting plastic
It. just. stays. with. you. forever.
63. A gas leak
Run. NOW!
62. Tuna fish
x_x
61. Taxi cab airfreshner
60. That Subway smell
59. Sharpies
God, I love to hate this smell.
58. Nail polish remover
57. Swiss cheese
56. Play-Doh
55. Mustard
54. A basketball
53. Rubber cement
This just smells like cancer.
52. Clams on the half shell
I'm being incredibly diplomatic here because I effing love them.
51. Abercrombie
50. Crayons
49. Ketchup
48. Incense
47. A hot glue gun
46. Fall leaves
45. Malt vinegar
44. Library books
43. Rain
42. Elementary school eraser
41. Sriracha
40. Matches
39. Baby wipes
38. Bazooka bubblegum
Smells great, but you know it'll wear off in under two minutes and then you're stuck with this wad of crap in your mouth for absolutely no reason.
37. Nuts 4 Nuts
36. Doritos
35. This kickball
34. Baked Brie
33. Fresh-baked bread
32. Kooshballs
31. Spearmint gum
30. New shoes
29. Lemon
28. A fresh Christmas Tree
27. Fireplaces
26. Funnel cake
25. Thanksgiving
24. Cinnamon
23. Hot chocolate
22. Gasoline
Disgustingly delicious.
21. McDonald’s fries
20. The Laundromat, or this Yankee Candle
19. A newborn baby
18. Fresh-baked cookies
17. Toast
Bonus: A young, red-faced Prince Harry ;)
16. Freshly cut grass
15. Warm apple pie
14. Red wine
13. The grill
12. Freshly brewed coffee
11. Clementines
10. Bacon
9. Cinnabon
8. Hawaiian Tropic Suntan lotion
7. Auntie Anne's
6. Pancakes and maple syrup
5. Buttery movie popcorn
4. Sensual Amber
Or any other insanely potent vanilla scent.
3. Garlic sautéing
2. New tennis balls
1. Pizza
Even bad pizza is better than most good things.
Images: Alex Juel, Daniel Oines, Whiskey and Tears, m01229, u-suke, Brian Turner, davidd, jeffreyw, Jo Naylor, One More Bite Blog, cookbookman17, Ethan Lofton, Kristin Nador, laszlo photo, Mark Mitchell, IK's World Trip, kundl, Steven Depolo, Satoshi Kobayashi, Matteo Paciotti, Miamism, The Pizza Review, Liz Davenport; Morgan Levy, Didriks, vialbost, Linked In Pulse, lara604/Flickr; Fotolia (17); Getty Images (29); Amazon.com (15); Subway/Facebook; kellehert, shazzysizzle/Instagram; Yankee Candle; A Pastry Affair (2); Rosanne Salvatore
