Tabloids Don't Want Anyone to Be a Normal Size

Snooki is overweight.

By her own admission, the 4'9" mom and reality starlet weighs 96 pounds — a good two pounds higher than the highest "ideal weight" for someone of her height, according to medical charts.

Of course, no one looking at Snooki could make that charge; she is clearly not overweight in any colloquial conception of the word. She is also, clearly, not "emaciated." Snooki seems to be a perfectly normal size.

The tabloid media does not like people to be a normal size, however (normal size people only drive pageviews when they're in the midst of mental breakdowns, illicit sexual affairs or battles with rare diseases). That's where tabloid logic comes in. Using tabloid logic, categories like "skinny" and "fat" have no discrete meanings. "Overweight" means "potentially five pounds heavier or maybe just wearing a baggy shirt." "Emaciated" means "any size smaller than before."

So, Snooki is now "too skinny," according to tabloid critics. At which she scoffs.

"People are jerks," she told In Touch magazine in a recent interview. "I don’t look emaciated — I look healthy!”

Snooki has lost substantial weight — down from 146 pounds during pregnancy, as well as significantly from her Jersey Shore days. But she insists this comes from normal things, like cutting back on drinking, not carrying a gestating human inside her anymore and going to the gym.

On Instagram, Snooki posts almost as many workout pics as kissy-face mirror Selfies. One recent photo of her flexing was captioned: "Too skinny" my a--. #FIT.