$2.5 Million Dildo For Sale On eBay

Just in case you have a casual $2.5 million laying around, you might want to bid on this 19-inch wood dildo for sale on eBay. Because, you know, splinters are sexy. At least, according to the listing title, which says [sic] "Wood Sculpture Native Spirit Kyynmwahppt, Art,Dildo, sexy, penis". Oh, that's the other thing: if the painted, lacquered, massive phallus just doesn't seem worth the hefty price tag, consider also that it's also imbued with the spirit of Kyynmwahppt. You know, your old mate Kyynmwahppt.

According to seller "Max", this handcrafted sex toy is the living spirit of Kyynmwahppt, "the ever watchful good spirit to help you see all positive things in life.” I know what you're thinking: "very cool." Kyynmwahppt found his way into the dildo during Max's own spiritual journey. Max writes on the listing [sic]:

"This amazing experience started in 2001 with an outsourcing venture. This venture was for healing myself from really hard and unreal situations in my life, while being in the bush in a mitchuap (a mitchuap is like a teepee) a Healer messaged me become an artist "a Healer says, always play the song that pleases you." Maybe 3 years after, while ice fishing on 7 foot of ice in may (dug with my axe) at the lake. After catching a few fish, at dinner time a Reader came to me and gave a message that I should draw our spirits. After 4 years in the bush I came out a different man with a mission. This mission is to sculpt spirits. All the spirits that the artist sculpted were stored in his glass cabinet for personal viewing. But this Kyynmwahppt spirit started in 2004 and it was finished in 2013. All this time and effort that were taken to give honor to Kyynmwahppt, and after countless and countless hours of trying to make the colors stand out and can send out it's power of seeing all the positive things in life."

Interestingly enough, Googling "Kyynmwahppt" only reveals results directly associated with this story, otherwise, there's nothing on the Internet to suggest Kyynmwahppt exists. Kyynmwahppt seems to be the only thing in the known universe to exist entirely in corporeal dildo shaped form, with no Internet presence whatsoever.

As of posting, no one has bid on the spirit dildo.

Image: mxg999/eBay