J. Law Understands That True Love Means Farts

Some people say true love means never having to say your sorry. If you add "for farting" onto that statement, then you've pretty much got it right. Even J. Law, the anti-Hollywood-starlet Hollywood starlet, understands that. In her Vanity Fair interview, Jennifer Lawrence nails the fact that real romantic compatibility boils down to this question: can this person pass gas in front of me, and can I in front of them?

In the midst of the horrible troll-driven nude pic scandal, Lawrence covers the November issue of Vanity Fair. She implies that she'd love to date someone who reminds her of Larry David, has the same trashy TV taste as her, and can cut the cheese in front of her with abandon. She tells writer Sam Kashner that she's looking for someone who

...you know, isn’t afraid to fart in front of me [rather] than to have big, passionate love. I’d rather have just a peaceful time. [Those relationships] are deeper because you can be your true self with somebody, and somebody can be their true self with you.

To distill this to a simple algorithm, tooting in front of someone = being your true self. Yep, that sounds about right. If only she didn't expose a shudder-worthy worship of Woody Allen...

Sure, Oscar-winning actress farts probably smell like Dior Addict and $100 bills, and not eggs as normal person gas does, but, just for the record, I wholly endorse this understanding of love. I'd love to hear this incorporated into her wedding vows. They'd go something like, "I promise to love you even when you accidentally fart in my ear while I'm laying on your hip watching the Real Housewives and eating Funyuns. I promise never to withhold my farts, be they silent and deadly, or musical and benign. I promise to never pass up an opportunity for a fart joke."

So, this naturally begs the question. Are she and Chris Martin at the "farting in front of each other" stage yet?

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