The "Bad Romance" Ukulele Bit Was #Not4Me

Near the end of Tuesday night's premiere of Selfie , Eliza Dooley reached out to the A-line skirt-wearing Bryn for help. Why? Because Henry Higgs invited Eliza to a wedding (and presented Eliza with a series of rhyming wedding prep instructions, natch). Eliza needed Bryn's style tips. And I was elated. I LOVE A MAKEOVER SCENE! Or in Selfie's case, a make-under scene. During said make-under, Bryn and her book club friends broke into song. And no, it was not “I Could Have Danced All Night.” It was “Bad Romance.” And then, someone began to play "Bad Romance" on a ukulele.

“These girls really know how to get ready,” Eliza says in a voiceover.

“Agree to disagree,” I muttered at the TV. “For this ish is far too twee.”

Oh, would you look at that? I rhymed. Eat your ‘art out, ‘Enry ‘Iggs.

I get that the ukulele-y rendition of "Bad Romance" was overly presh for comedic effect. I realize that it was supposed to be somewhat obnoxious. I understand that Bryn & Co. are the perfectly Pinterest'd to Eliza's ramshackle mess. I realize it's a scripted TV show, not real life. All of that being said, my hands still tensed up and my face contorted into a pained grimace when the ukulele happened. Not sure that was the scene's intent. The scene truly affected me.

Look, I’m all for singing pop songs with my BFFs. Heck, just last weekend, my friends and I scream-sang Sia’s “Chandelier.” We enjoyed every moment. (And anyone within a mile radius of us did not.) And I am all for “Bad Romance.” I hold it to be one of the greatest pop songs of the last 20 years.

Ukuleles? A lovely instrument. Never mad when I see one onstage. Not throwing shade at ukuleles. But a cutesy impromptu ukulele move, a la what happened in Selfie? HNNNNGH. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. (I have the same reaction any time a person decides to bring out an acoustic guitar at a party in a movie or in real life. Like, whyyyyyy?)

Again, I understand the characters are fictional, but my mind raced after that scene: Henry will have to undo damage wrought by that ukulele blindsiding. Henry will have to teach Eliza that there is a way to get ready with friends sans-ukulele. Henry will have to let her know that it's perfectly fine to not join in when someone else starts an awkward ukulele sing-a-long.

My feelings may not be entirely rational, but they are strong.

To socially-inept Eliza's credit, I would’ve been way less polite about the ukelele debacle. I might’ve not said anything,* but I wouldn’t have to. My eyes would do all of the talking. Not even 'Enry 'Iggs could help me learn to control my stank face.

*If one of my good friends pulled this stunt, I'd totally say something. "What a delight," I'd deadpan. "OK, put that thing away. Where's your stereo? Oh, and I used the last of the toilet paper."

Images: ABC; frozen-cookie/tumblr